“FWE Balance” - Life in the Fast Lane

FWE--the Challenge--write about balance, use the word as a noun or verb or just imply it.

Life in the Fast Lane

My life was helterskelter.  I was in the fast lane, dating every guy that came my way

My friends told me to slow down, that I was moving too fast. I didn't care.  I just wanted to be as busy as I could, because then I didn't have to think.  I didn't have to remember, and I didn't have to be the person I once was.

There was a time when I cared deeply.  Not anymore.  I found out what caring deeply could do to a person, and I wasn't going to let it happen to me, not again.  I worked hard, played hard, and parlayed every moment into fun, without the consequences.

After Josh died, in that war we had no reason to be in, before we had time to have children or even a year together, I said, 'never again'.

My mother prayed for me.  My father threatened to cut me off without a cent.  I didn't care.  Money wasn't important to me.  If I had it, I spent it.  If I didn't, I did without.  I had guys who always made sure my needs were met, one way or another.

That was when I was young.  Now I'm old.  The fires have burned out.  The pace has slowed.  The fun, well, it didn't last.  A price has to be paid, one way or another.  Call it Karma, call it retribution, call it whatever you like.

I'm alone now.  All those party times are slowly fading memories.  The men?   Who knows?  They came and went so fast I can't recall their names, not one of them.  Oh I see them around town every now and then.  Some with wives, some with young girlfriends.  We nod, or sometimes our eyes avert, not wanting to go back there.

My life is different now, slower, and easier, except for the pain that comes with age.  There was a time when I thought I had it all.  Now, when I have very little in tangible assets, or good health, or dreams of days ahead, I have complacency, perhaps even contentment.  My life now is regimented.  There are rules.  A time to get up, dress, have breakfast, do minor chores, go to activities, lunch, nap, afternoon T.V., finally dinner, then bedtime.  Life is in balance here at the nursing home.  Life is in balance.