LIFE IS A BEACH
July the forth was the worst day I could remember since the death of my mom two years ago. This day I lost two very good friends.
I was supposed to be with Chris and Paul that day as well as our friend Jenny. The four of us were supposed to go for a boat ride on Rice Lake and picnic near a beach. Unfortunately I got called into work and could not go. Jenny and the guys wanted to reschedule the day but I insisted they go ahead.
After I heard of the accident I wished I hadn’t suggested any such thing. My two best buddies were dead and Jenny had been paralysed all because some moron decided to have a few beers before getting in his boat. The threesome had been out touring around the lake on the way to the beach when the drunken idiot who wasn’t watching where he was going rammed right into their speedboat sending my friends flying right into the path of another boat killing Chris and Paul instantly. Jenny landed on top of the boat but managed to fracture the vertebrae at the base of her back after it severed her nerves rendering her paralysed from the waist down. She is now in a wheelchair. I believe she is angry at me for abandoning them that day. I couldn’t face her or both sets of the boy’s parents after that. Jenny wouldn’t speak to me. I assumed it was anger but after a few weeks she called me.
“I need to see you.” She said in between the sobs.
I told her I would come by the hospital after work to visit. We clicked off. I was nervous as I was not sure how she would react to seeing me with two working legs while she was confined to a prison on wheels and our two friends were dead. I should have let them put the day off. Chris and Paul would still be with us and jenny and I would be going back to college that year.
So here it is based on the diagnosis of a clinical psychologist; I have survivor’s guilt. This is what happens when someone survives a traumatic ordeal while others around them perish or are gravely wounded. My self-perceived guilt was that I was not there that day and insisted that they party without me. My crime for being selfless; but that’s what I do. I need to retreat and take care of me.