by Pam Brittain
Member since:
July 16, 2011

Make them Match (Saturday Writing Essential)

September 16, 2012 05:15 PM UTC
views: 0 | 10 people recommend this | comments: 47

This Week's Challenge:

Write a paragraph of exposition followed by one sentence of dialogue. Write a second paragraph of exposition that contrasts with the first paragraph and follow that with a sentence of dialogue. The idea is to match the dialogue with the character you've developed in the expository paragraph.

~~~~~

Sam strutted into her office wearing an expensive suit and tie.  He was model material and just right for the job.  She was busy with Watergate clean up, shredding documents and preparing for her new carrier as a male model agent.

He dropped his kerchief on the floor and as he bent down to pick it up, his tie tangled up in the shredder.  He screamed, "So, how do you like your coffee?"

~~~~~

Sam slouched into her cubby hole, knowing he could be a good male model with the right counseling.  She was busy stirring her coffee and attempting to look, well, capable of doing something.

He dropped his toupee on her desk, leaned over (blushing a bit) to retrieve it and his tie fell into her coffee.  He screamed, "So is that a good shredder?"

 

Comments: 47

Pam Brittain Sep 16, 2012, 5:16pm UTC
I have no clue if this meets the challenge, but I have it a try.
JOHN BECK Sep 16, 2012, 7:40pm UTC
Whether it does or doesn't, it's fun, Pam.
Sheila Deeth Sep 24, 2012, 5:57pm UTC
Definitely fun!
Larry H. Sep 16, 2012, 5:21pm UTC
thanks for sharing.
Pam Brittain Sep 16, 2012, 6:51pm UTC
Thank you, Larry.
Angela A. Sep 16, 2012, 5:42pm UTC
Good one
Pam Brittain Sep 16, 2012, 6:51pm UTC
He, he! :)
Len Maxwell Sep 16, 2012, 5:52pm UTC
Let's see. Two paragraphs of exposition, each followed by a sentence of dialogue. Dialogue appears to match the character set up in the exposition. Yep, I'd say this pretty much matches what I asked for.

Thanks for taking the SatWE challenge.

I'll also thank you for sharing with Gather’s Luminous Writers & Artists.
Pam Brittain Sep 16, 2012, 6:52pm UTC
I wonder if I could have come up with anything dumber.
William Dotani Sep 17, 2012, 1:17am UTC
This is not dumb. I very very very much enjoyed your super rich metaphor. The flow and imagery both nicely balanced, plus you gave the reader latitude for imagining the scene.
Just because you are a Maple Leafs fan does not make you dumb. The Leafs my second fave original six. The reason I'm saying this is that I heard a rumor you have recently stopped playing soccer and now consider the #1 goalie for your local ice rink. Some may feel surprise you are playing Hockey so early, but it's already snowing in parts of Canada. (This is dumb). Hope that helps.
Pam Brittain Sep 17, 2012, 8:26pm UTC
It helps a lot, William (I think).
William Dotani Sep 18, 2012, 2:10am UTC
Have you ever tried not to think? I hope not because it is simply impossible unless you don't drink tea or coffee.
Len Maxwell Sep 22, 2012, 6:03pm UTC
Had to come back and feature this on Gather Writing Essential.
Pam Brittain Sep 22, 2012, 6:23pm UTC
Len, you have the gift of making me feel special. Thank you.
Irina Dimitric Sep 16, 2012, 7:46pm UTC
Fun to read. And as Len says you've met the challenge, so congratulations!
Pam Brittain Sep 16, 2012, 7:51pm UTC
Thanks, Irina. I just had to try it.
Janet "Jax" B. Sep 16, 2012, 10:43pm UTC
It's interesting Pam...and does follow all the rules.
Pam Brittain Sep 17, 2012, 5:54pm UTC
Yippee, I followed the rules. Interesting, however, makes it sound like it might be a good piece and it's really kinda silly. Thanks, Jax.
William Dotani Sep 17, 2012, 1:06am UTC
I'd say this story about a man whom has a fancy on a lady, but each pleasant daydream of her changes course as she violently rejects him bringing himself back to reality. He finally gets up the courage to approach her and it ain't no daydream as she violently rejects him and with coffee shreds his carnal ambitions. Nicely told with heavy metaphor.
Pam Brittain Sep 17, 2012, 5:55pm UTC
My, I hadn't even thought of that. What the mind can do.
William Dotani Sep 18, 2012, 2:03am UTC
There are obvious gender bender opposites, but in this day and age, the pronoun just a bluebird aflight or on a Blue plate special at a very fancy restaurant where some waiters can speak French and understand visitors from New Foundland.
I would have liked to see more action verb physicality, but that is a personal preference because your script very nicely balanced with a nice logical flow from your use of directed words to seal tightly every transitional moment.
Bernard C. Sep 17, 2012, 4:56am UTC
Sounds like fun - a cubby hole..LOL haha haven't heard that in a long while..a cubicle yes..but then.. very amusing..loss of hair..LOL


Thanks for sharing and submitting to
The Surreal Circus.
Pam Brittain Sep 17, 2012, 5:55pm UTC
I was thinking closet since I once worked in one. Hmmm, it would have been more fun if his hair had been caught in the shredder.
William Dotani Sep 18, 2012, 2:08am UTC
Pam, Oh Pam, Oh, do you not realize Bernard's hair was caught in a shredder many years ago. I would tell the tale if Bernard would only give me permission.
Pam Brittain Sep 18, 2012, 3:01pm UTC
Bernard, what about it? Will you allow William to tell your story?
Bernard C. Sep 19, 2012, 4:39am UTC
Sure - he has my permission to write anything :-) coincidence will have it that I got my neck tie caught in a shredder once..I can be quite a klutz at times :-(
William Dotani Sep 19, 2012, 5:55am UTC
This means a factual possibility has already taken place, so in a couple of days...
Pam Brittain Sep 19, 2012, 12:53pm UTC
This should be fun.
karen vaughan Sep 17, 2012, 4:38pm UTC
it was fun Pam and well done
Pam Brittain Sep 17, 2012, 5:56pm UTC
Thanks, Karen.
elizabeth evans Sep 17, 2012, 8:26pm UTC
Shredding his tie
in a Watergate office
a male peacock exclaimed
"I do nude poses without shame,
no cover-ups for me."
elizabeth evans Sep 17, 2012, 8:27pm UTC

 Thanks for sharing with A Shred of Advice at the Triple Name Club.
Pam Brittain Sep 17, 2012, 8:49pm UTC
I love this poem. The male peacock being.....
Terry M. Sep 17, 2012, 9:23pm UTC
Great job!
Pam Brittain Sep 17, 2012, 9:39pm UTC
Thanks, Terry. You would be the one to know if I met the challenge. :)s
Richard Thuss Sep 18, 2012, 9:49am UTC
I enjoyed the long smile this one put on my face. Pam
Pam Brittain Sep 18, 2012, 3:02pm UTC
I'm smiling back at you, Richard. Thanks!
G.M. Jackson Sep 18, 2012, 5:18pm UTC
LOL! Great turnabout. But is Sam a guy or a girl?

Sam slouched into her cubby hole, knowing he could be a good male model with the right counseling.
G.M. Jackson Sep 18, 2012, 5:21pm UTC
How about, "Sam slouched into Sue's cubby hole, knowing he..." or is Sam a transvestite?
Pam Brittain Sep 18, 2012, 5:22pm UTC
Bad choice on names. Sam's a guy, but I could have added a few lines to make things a bit more clear. Thanks for pointing this out to me. I just keep learning here on Gather and greatly appreciate the input.
Pam Brittain Sep 18, 2012, 5:25pm UTC
I posted my comment above before I saw your second comment. Hmmm, a transvestite would be fun to write about. I gotta go make grape jelly first and then I'll think about it.
August Lady Sep 19, 2012, 7:39am UTC
I had to read that part over a few times~good pointer from GM!
Pam Brittain Sep 19, 2012, 12:54pm UTC
He's been great to point things out to me.
Connie C. Sep 19, 2012, 10:49am UTC

I am just stopping by once again to let you know that this post/photo was spotlighted in the

What Is Happening Today on Gather ~ Wednesday September 19, 2012

I hope you have time to check out the other spotlighted posts/photos as well.

Have a wonderful day!
Pam Brittain Sep 19, 2012, 12:55pm UTC
Thanks, Connie. I really appreciate all you do for us.
August Lady Sep 19, 2012, 3:37pm UTC
Great response to the prompt & Congrats on your Spotlight!
Pam Brittain Sep 19, 2012, 3:51pm UTC
Thank you, my friend.

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