How To Make Bank Deposits Disappear (Mindful...

A Tyburn has

four rhyming lines of two syllables each
first four lines are also descriptive
two more lines of nine syllables each that also rhyme, but not necessarily with the first four lines
the first four lines are also contained in the last two lines in their entirety starting with the fifth syllable

September 10 - 15: While you needn't join this group, write something that fits into this group: Shadow Poetry. It belongs to A. F. Stewart and she says, "Be warned: this is not a group for happy, sappy, or love poems…”

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Trickster,
Mister,
Holster,
Bolster,
Ad listed for Mister Trickster task:
Bolster a holster with gun and mask.

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Here is my edited version:

Trickster,
Mister,
Holster,
Bolster,
Ad listed for Mister Trickster task-
Garner: gun to bolster holster, mask.

Comments: 13

Irina Dimitric Sep 11, 2012, 6:45am UTC

It seems to me you've nailed the tricky tyburn.

Virginia M. Sep 11, 2012, 6:30pm UTC

Thank you, Irina, but I think I missed the form on this one, also.

Irina Dimitric Sep 15, 2012, 5:01am UTC

Yes, you're right, you're edited version is a correct tyburn. I can say this with conviction now that I've finally written one myself.

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Pam Brittain Sep 11, 2012, 1:37pm UTC

That was fun.

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A. F. Stewart Sep 11, 2012, 3:57pm UTC

A cool poem.

Virginia M. Sep 11, 2012, 6:43pm UTC

Thank you, A.F. I appreciate your reading this. I didn't get the form right, though. I think I've figured out what I did wrong, and now will have to edit.

I think I should have started using my four 2-syllable words in both of the closing lines beginning with the 5th syllable count.

A. F. Stewart Sep 11, 2012, 7:17pm UTC

The form's been giving many people some trouble.

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Virginia M. Sep 11, 2012, 6:46pm UTC

I think I should have started using my four 2-syllable words in both of the closing lines beginning with the 5th syllable count.

If I'm correct with this understanding, would someone please let me know? If not, I don't mind being taught! :)

A. F. Stewart Sep 11, 2012, 7:16pm UTC

That's the way I understood it.
Each of the last two lines should have two of the four rhyming words at syllables 5 to 8.

Virginia M. Sep 11, 2012, 7:26pm UTC

Thank you, A.F.! Susan was kind to leave an eplaination on my first poem saying the same thing. I found this form to be a bit too restraing for me. :)

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Angie O. Sep 15, 2012, 5:47pm UTC

You may not have got it the first attempt but you nailed it the 2nd. Good job. I am still pondering this one and not getting aywhere fast. LOL

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Susan Budig - Mindful Poet Sep 19, 2012, 12:16am UTC

It's the spirit of the tyburn here at Mindful Poetry that counts. And I praise you for submitting! Besides, you stuck with it until you cranked out a righteous one.

Featured at Mindful Poetry.

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JOHN BECK Oct 3, 2012, 3:54pm UTC

The edited version is right on.

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How To Make Bank Deposits Disappear (Mindful Poetry- Tyburn)

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Comments: 13

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