LFOH FWE 8/10/12

Humor is my favorite genre. I always have some form of it in the stories I write. My hubby says I am the queen of sarcastic wit. I am not sure if he was being complimentary or not. One of my favorite authors is JANET EVANOVICH. Her Stephanie Plum series really cracks me up. She is not afraid to push the envelope. I would do the same if hubby would quit putting a kybosh on the funnier and some times blue humor. I only beat up my ex on paper or when writing a routine for an act.

Here is a sample of the stuff fit for gather and human consumption: An actual routine I did a few years ago.

Hey how is everyone tonight; any face book addicts in the audience--? Yep I have to admit I am a Facebook addict –I can’t go a day with out making sure my status comment is updated and all my games are taken care of and have re-poked everyone who needs poking. It’s an 8 hr a day job really and I am trying to translate Yoville dollars and the money I have plundered in Pirates and Mobwars into real cash.

It sort of matches my husbands addiction to sportS programming—I used to think he had SAD –It turns out he has a bad case of NHL, CFL AND NFL ALONG WITH SDD.—seasonal delusional disorder

SDD should be classified as legitimate mental health issue which involves the firm belief that The Toronto Maples Leafs are going to win the Stanley cup. Runs from October til the following April when the fans are faced with the reality that they don’t stand a snowballs chance in hell.

How many people out there on their second marriage ? Yes I have been married once before –I realized things were really rocky in the first one looked at me one day and told me I was dysfunctional. Of course I was shocked –I had no clue he knew words that big.

I harbored many a homicidal fantasy where he was concerned. Sometimes I think he is only alive today as I look hideous in orange. I can’t be arrested for these thoughts unless the cops all possess Kreskin mind melding abilities.. trust me they don’t even want to go there—my mind is a scary place and they will need intense psycho—therapy for the experience.

I have an anxiety disorder I was diagnosed 6 yrs ago around the time I was getting remarried –coincidence? Jury is still out on that one.—I was kind of nervous about getting remarried –the same kind of nervousness a virgin gets on prom night.---where u are going to get really drunk & do something really dumb and not remember it the next day.—but that usually involves a Vegas chapel and minister resembling Elvis.

Seriously it’s great being married to some one with mental health issues –you can take turns having bad days. I chose Mondays, Wed and Fridays –he get Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays –Sundays we fight over –using rock scissors paper –using real rocks and real scissors

I started to realize have had this all my life when I thought Big bird was out to get me.

You’d think parents would know better than to let a 5 yr old stay up and watch THE Birds

Even my cats have issues—one has a serious catnip addiction and gets uptight and paranoid if I hide his stash, the other one took a header of our balcony ….my friends started in with the suicidal kitty jokes and asked me if she was catatonic at the time. Catatonic—I said look buddy psycho –kitty has 8 lives left –I could send her over to live with you.

Living with us is like living on a Version of survivor—Mental health island –bi polar on one side and anxious on the other –my daughter was in the middle but voted herself off.