What Not To Read List

Debbie, this is a great idea!

OMG, of the tons upon tons of books that I've read, I cannot think of one single one that I'd put on that list!!!!! My reading has slowed down considerably, however, as I've been spending more time on crafts, making photo note cards and learning to make pictures on canvas....lots of fun! I have stacks of books waiting to be read, but for some reason, I just can't "get into" the reading mood!!! Oh....I also learned how to "hang" pictures today, using the "Command" hangers....so far got two canvas pictures hung!!!!!

Thanks for taking the time to read this and comment, Nora. I hope you will come back and read all the other comments. Maybe that will jar your memory for the one book NOT to read! I had no idea my post would generate so many comments. It has been so much fun to read everyone's comments.

Guess I'm "too picky" about what I read, perhaps! Just the other night I started reading, "American Conspiracies" by Jesse Ventura......It is absolutely fantastic, and I can hardly put it down. I guess I'd probably have to say most romance books, as I cannot handle that type of reading!!!!!!!
I've been working all weekend long on my handmade note cards.....just got the neat idea of making all my Christmas cards this year, using rubber stamping AND my Christmas photos I've taken! Over the weekend, I made almost 2 dozen cards!

A friend of mine read the Jesse Ventura book and was very impressed by his knowledge and street smarts.

Ventura is a brilliant man and a truly exceptional author. I met a young gal at the laundromat this morning who's also a fan and has read his other books!!!! We had a great conversation.

I can't think of any right now.

Anything by Jodi Picoult or Amy Tan. Jodi Picoult wouldn't know a visual metaphor if she tripped over one, and Amt Tan is a better linguist than author.

Never thought of a not to read list. I think you came up with a great idea.

Got any bad books to suggest, Sandy?

Nope, I haven't read a book in awhile due to my eyes sight getting worse. The ones
I read before I liked.

I can think of a lot. If you exclude best seller type stuff and stick to stuff considered to have literary merit it's a smaller list. My number one is "Moby-Dick." It's didactic to the point of making the reader feel like he's been hit over the head with a two by four. I've never been able to finish anything by Henry James except things I was required to read in school. Thomas Pynchon, who isn't dead yet so can't really be a "classics" author, is another one that drives me nuts. The theme of every book is how clever Thomas Pynchon is.

In non-fiction there's a whole world of stuff to avoid. I had to read McLuhan's "Understanding Media" in school. Two or three interesting ideas buried under a huge pile of neologisms and tortured metaphors.

I enjoyed your delightful comment on my post, Nippy! You are so right about Pynchon! He is noted for his "dense and complex" novels. Wonder what those euphemisms really mean?

I tried Moby-Dick twice, because it bugged me that I would find something that iconic and frequently referenced essentially unreadable. Still no luck, I'm afraid.

I have to agree with you on Moby Dick, Aniko. I don't think I've ever read the entire book!

I tried to read Moby-Dick while I was at sea, thinking the setting would help. No luck; there were too many distractions. Ideally, Moby-Dick should be read on a long solo spaceflight with a HAL 9000 taking care of all distractions. It is an excellent novel by 19th century standards, but that was before there were better things to do.

Hmm... My idea of an excellent 19th century novel is something by Balzac or Dickens.

Dickens is one of my top two favorite novelists (Toni Morrison being the other).

That's a good idea but I disagree with Ann M. above. I think Jodi Picoult writes very touching stories almost like Lurlene McDaniels (sp?). I have this thing against The Giver and there's one other author I can't think of that I totally dislike.

Jodi Picoult is very good at character and plot, and I can see why so many enjoy her work. But she has limitations as a writer that keep her novels from qualifying as literary fiction.

What an interesting thought! I really have no idea, Yet! :)

Sounds interesting I can't think of any fiction books I have read lately .

What about something you read in high school or college?

Oldest Living Confederate Widow Tells All

I saw that movie on TV years ago. Diane Lane, Donald Sutherland and Cicely Tyson. I found it interesting, but it was rather disturbing. I would never read the book. Times were certainly different back then.

I couldn't watch the movie, either, because I disliked the book so much!

I will not read that book "50 shades of gray" Think it would make me very uncomfortable.

Everyone I know that has read it says it is awful. No one I know can figure out why it has sold so many copies!

I know it's a classic but Wuthering Heights, I read the first 10 pages at least 12 times and understood nothing lol.

Along with that one, put Sense and Sensibility on the list. The movie was better than the book.

People are probably not going to like my list...LOL

1). The Fountainhead Ayn Rand
2). Ulysses James Joyce
3). Beloved Toni Morrison
4). The Catcher in the Rye J D Salinger
5). The Girl With the Dragon Tatoo (series) Stieg Larsson -- cut out about 100 pages in each novel and it would me much better....

I'm sure I could keep going too.....and yes, I've read all of these.

Oh, I forgot about Ayn Rand. Her books were totally unreadable to me.

I'm with you on Ulysses. The only way I could make it through that book would be to listen to a recorded version.

Oddly enough, Beloved is on my short list of favorite novels. But I can see why Morrison's writing isn't for everyone. She writes entire novels in poetry.

Beloved is on your favorites??? Yikes! It's not the style per se, it's the content.

I believe she used that elaborate, poetic style to compensate for the horror she was describing. There is a poet here on Gather who can do the same thing-- Barbary Chaapel.

Here's an example.

Ann, thank you for sharing Barbary's poem. I loved it. I will be reading more of her poems.

My folks had a copy of "Ulysses." I tried it a few times. No luck.

I don't know whether the problem with the Millennium trilogy was the translation or Larsson's writing. Even so I devoured the books. Some of the writing was just plain odd.

Debbie, I'm so glad you like Barbary's work! Because she's a published poet, she can't leave her poems up on Gather for long, but every one is well worth reading.

Nippy, I loved Stieg Larsson's trilogy as well. "Odd" writing indicates a translation problem, I suspect. And don't forget that a lot of the story was told from the POV of someone with Asperger's Syndrome.

Interesting angle - some nations speak more than others..by that I mean..some people can talk the hind off of a cow or until the cows come home...Leading the bla bla bla stakes is of course France they go on nattering like batems at a cock fight..on and on and on..itdoes get very very tiring..oo la la etc. They are very proud of their language and like to go on about it. Therefore most French movies are about the inter-personal traits..chatting is one of them..lots of it..can get extremely boring..and therefore to echhis/her own. Therefore I think some authors are of intellectual capability and rabbit on as they see fit..to each his/her own..time to move to the next book. haha Haven't read the above but do believe I have seen something of the Prague story..must have been written in French..LOL Thanks for the tips :-)

Thanks Bernard. I do believe many books could be helped with better editing!

I have a long list of books I would put on this list.

Your post made me giggle because I have written a couple of non-reviews of books I couldn't read. Will try to come back with a link.

I Won't Even Pretend I Read It: Non Book Review of Boom

In the latter part of the 19th century there was a secret meeting between most of the prominent authors and publishers of the day and the Anglo-American Literature teaching establishment. It was decided at this meeting that teachers would receive kickbacks from the writers for assigning their works to students, even if the works in fact had little or no actual merit, and that the teachers would be required to create teaching methods and strategies to hide this lack of merit from those students. A large number of tedious literary drones have profited from this cabal (James Fenimore Cooper, Theodore Dreiser, Henry James among them). I hope to recover the minutes of this meeting -- and possibly of its subsequent conventicles -- and list these somnifacients by name. Norman Mailer was once on some TV talk show or other extolling the virtues of Jack Kerouac, when Truman Capote said "But Norman, that's not writing, that's typing." One's own instincts should be one's guide; if you loathed it in the 10th grade, if you felt that it demonstrated the folly of paying authors by the word, if you felt that it was just typing (or scribbling), the chances are it hasn't improved much over the ages.

James Fenimore Cooper-- you are so right! Where did that guy get his literary reputation?

I can't tell if Pete is telling the truth or there was a secret meeting! Either way, it sounds as if could happen today! Remember A Million Little Pieces by James Frey that turned out to be a big fat lie? Well, I knew it was a lie on the first page of what turned out to be a very poorly written lie! But, before he was outed everyone was talking like he was the next Nobel Prize winning author! His writing isn't that great.

I'm pretty sure Pete is being satirical, but he's so deadpan that he sometimes fools me.

The Europeans were so taken with the rather bizarre concept of the "noble savage" that they ignored the fact that Cooper a.) couldn't write, and b.) didn't know what he was talking about. Read Mark Twain's Fenimore Cooper's Literary Offenses, one of Twain's best and funniest short pieces.

Ann, if what you say is true, then I feel that my brief time on Earth has been very well spent.

Sounds like a great essay Pete. My favorite of Twain's work is The Recent Carnival of Crime in Connecticut. His humor is quite lethal, as is yours.

Ann, to mentioned in the same comment... to be mentioned in the same anything... with Twain is a compliment far above anything I have merited.

Are you quite sure you are not his reincarnation?

If I ever meet Hal Holbrook, who I believe IS his reincarnation, we will discuss this. When I was 16, I saw Holbrook live in Mark Twain Tonight! The most brilliant performance I have ever seen on stage.

Fenimore Cooper's Literary Offenses is one of my all time favorites. I've posted links to it on Gather a few times as advice to some members.

It's the best quickie style manual I can think of.

I went through a period about twenty years ago where I reread stuff I had to read in high school that I didn't like. I discovered that I like Dickens and Thomas Hardy. I still agree with my other dislikes.

Nippy, I looked up Literary Offenses and will read it with you in mind!

I meant to add that the secret meeting was clearly a larger, international one, Pete, but I can see that you've now covered this with reference to Cooper (whom, I must admit, I really liked as a child).

But when you became a woman you put away childish things. Cooper was to a certain extent a child prodigy, in that American fiction was in its infancy when he wrote. I think it was his subject matter, which was fascinating to Europeans and urban Americans alike during his era, that made him his reputation.

Cooper's subject was not treated much by later writers, who assumed that he had said everything that needed to be said about it (at greater length and with greater verbosity than needed, too) so as an American adventure story, it had to wait quite a while for anything like it to rise up out of the bushes. aniko, were the works of Zane Grey available to you as a child? His books were about the Old West in the late 19th century, very different from the Northeast in the early 18th century, and I must confess that I have read few if any of them but they have achieved a well-loved place in American popular literature and the whole conceit of The Old West in film is in part based on his work. Louis Lamour was a comparative newcomer, but perhaps a little closer to reality than Grey. On the other hand, I wasn't there, so maybe not.

I guess Cooper's big contemporary was Washington Irving. It took a while for fiction to get going in the US. I suppose you could always match Cooper with Sir Walter Scott although Scott had a better grasp of stuff like grammar and syntax.

I don't know about the putting away childish things part (just recently, I was a big Potterhead, for example). :) But I can certainly see now how Cooper's writing sucks, and yes, it was definitely the subject matter that attracted me when I was a kid. No, I hadn't heard of Zane Grey or Louis l'Amour back then, and I suspect they weren't available. Some of what was around was actually much worse than Cooper, I'm afraid.

Haha! A German writer setting stories in the American West! I suspect our reaction would be a lot like the Japanese reaction to Shogun. A common question from Japanese people regarding that novel and movie was "What country is this set in?"

Hmmm. Perhaps I should break down and read the Harry Potter stuff. My mother loves those novels.

Rowling has an imagination almost equal to that of Jack Vance or Tolkien, and she actually writes well; I am quite fond of her Potter stuff. I grew up reading fantasy and SF, and it's about all I read (or reread) anymore. Comfort food for the mind.

Laughing at the American-projected images of one's homeland is a common experience for rest-of-the-world readers and moviegoers. (While I don't remember the details, Toni Morrison's Caribbean island in Tar Baby was a bit annoying for me from that point of view.)

Karl May's problem, though, obviously went far beyond just being German and never having even visited the American West. He didn't give a damn, and thought nothing of representing himself as something he wasn't (or of petty thievery and other small stuff.) Whenever people complain that kids are reading silly stuff like the Captain Underpants books instead of the Newbery winners, I think about telling them that it was Karl May's Winnetou series that got me hooked on reading - I guess simply because it was there at the right time, the summer between first and second grade - and I still ended up a snooty literary snob who has to be careful about not saying "I don't read novels like that" to certain recommendations from well-intentioned friends. But then I remember I'd have to explain to Americans how utterly ridiculous Karl May is, so I don't bother.

Pete,

That's high recommendation for Rowlings. I'm pretty convinced that no one will ever have the literary depth of imagination that Tolkien had.

Aniko,

I'm amazed Karl May dared to write that stuff! Did the novels sell well? (Money can justify almost any human behavior).

My recommendation of an author who writes beautifully about the American Midwest/West: Kent Haruf.

Tolkien started creating "Arda" -- the world of which Middle Earth was only a portion -- when he was about 17, and continued up until the end of his life. He had not only his imagination on which to draw, but his scholarship (at that age, he had already studied several languages, including Gothic) and his life experiences. His description of the siege of Gondor by Sauron's forces was a direct result of his having participated in the first two weeks of the Battle of the Somme, one of the bloodiest battles in the history of human warfare. And it is rarely acknowledged that not only did he create this world, but he also had the literary gifts to do it justice.

Unpaid advertisement: for some of the finest fantasy, and some of the greatest and most idiosyncratic writing, in the English language, visit the works of Jack Vance, a living (although, sadly, retired) American writer of science fiction, fantasy and murder mysteries. In particular, his "Lyonesse" trilogy (Lyonesse: Suldrun's Garden, The Green Pearl, and Madouc), which takes place in pre-Arthurian/legendary times, on a now-sunken island off the coasts of Ireland and France. I cannot praise Vance enough (although I try) and I can guarantee you (I will pay you for the books if you don't like it, or give you my points, or something) an extraordinary literary experience if you read them.

Ann,
What about James McPherson, an eigteenth century Scottish poet who was best knoiwn as the "translator" of The Lays Of Ossian a cycle of epic poems by a legendary Irish bard on the scale of the Icelandic sagas that created an entire mythology for the pre christian people of west Scotland, northern Ireland and north west England.

I say created because McPherson was discovered to have made the whole lot up. If he had been honest Ossian would have been a major work of litertature. As it is McPherson is remembered, a tad unfairly I think, as a fraud.

Tolkien did reference Ossian in his works.

Ann,
and there is Terry Pratchetts Discworld of course, now running to nearly 40 full length novels (all available as audio books) As well as the novels Sir Terry as he is now has created works on the folklore and culture of the Discworld.

Aniko,
Are there really Captain Underpants books? I want one and I want it now!

Yes, Ian, there really are Captain Underpants books! You can look at them on the author's website!

Pete, I just ordered two of Jack Vance's older books from audible.com.

They're actually much better than the titles or a cursory look would have the exasperated adults believe. There are bits of sophisticated irony hidden here and there below the surface of 4th grade bathroom humor. And in any case, the kids like them.

(That was for Pilkey's Underpants books.)

Now Ian, why should I take book recommendations from someone who specializes in reviewing without reading?

Ann, which ones?

I ordered the two oldest because they were the cheapest:

The Men Return & Worlds of Origin

The Devil on Salvation Bluff

These are collections of short stories, mostly from the 1950s and '60s, and many are excellent, some only very good. His almost-indescribable-but possibly-"baroque"-might-fit style is better to be appreciated in his novels. Much of his work is out of print, but it goes in and out fairly regularly. You MUST read The Dying Earth, his first major published work, a series of nested short stories that actually makes up a novel. It blew everybody away when first published. Gene Wolfe, one of the finest living SF writers, in his "New Urth" series gives us the concept of "The Book of Gold", the one book which first grabs you, shakes you, and makes you aware of what literature can do. And for him, it was The Dying Earth. But I think that after two or three of his short stories, you will be hooked.

I am guessing I will get hooked, yes.

Aniko,
When it comes to scatology for younger readers (I'm guessing 4th grade is about 8 y.o.) it's going to be hard to beat the aforementiuoned Terry Pratchett's latest for younger readers, The World Of Poo. Here's a comment:
"A charming tale for listeners of all ages (but especially for young Sam Vimes) from the pen of Miss Felicity Beedle, Discworld's premier children's author. A gloriously old-fashioned and funny story...Pratchett includes plenty of jokes. His prose is suberb which, combinted with Peter Dennis's engaging illustrations, makes this a brilliant choice for reading aloud." (Evening Standard )

I shall look for Captain Underpants in the UK because I have a perfect excuse in my 5 y.o. grand daughter who thinks Uncle Windy, my farting gnome toy, is hilarious.

Thank you all for your wonderful comments. I thought I was the only one who felt so strongly about bad books! Keep commenting please!

My 23-year-old son called me at work yesterday to rave about just having read Shakespeare's Coriolanus (not to be confused with Captain Underpants Meets Coriolanus). This got me to thinking about another work set in the early days of the Roman Republic, and what I have always considered the greatest bad poem ever written: Macaulay's Horatius, an excellent example of overwritten Victorian neoclassical flummery which nevertheless still brings a tear to my eye and makes me stand a little taller.

Many books I have read written long ago that were revered get me thinking, why was this so liked and when I consider the time period it was written it makes a big difference... Sometimes it was groundbreaking in the way that it wrote about things that were not dealt with in society before in print... or to know about the writer's life themselves... It was fascinating to read about Ian Fleming's life and what inspired the books he wrote...

Not knowing a novel is in the horror category when you read it, for example "The Shining" can be a different kind of experience because there is no expectation on where the book is going... "The Shining" does read like any other novel with no indication of where it is leading until further in the book. Reading books written and printed right after Abe Lincoln was murdered reflected to me that many people revered him and elevated him with people feeling he was right up there with "Jesus"... and gives a different feeling than other books more recently written about him. I think it is helpful to know more about a book before you read it... the time period and the author as well.

There are many factors to consider. I know when I get a copy of some of the old movie I loved decades ago... some don't seem as great to me as it did when I first saw it. And where I was then and where I am now can affect that... not just the changes in cinematography... and yet other classics I loved still can evoke the same fascination/enjoyment.

Sometimes we need to consider too that writing style has evolved over the years. I guess it's like food too, not everyone is going to enjoy eating hot dogs.

Heather, you are exactly right on with your comments. The time a book was written, the part of society the author was in, the politics of the time, all are filtered through the writer. Just as movies and clothes go into and out of fashion, so do books.

Thank you for reading and taking the time to reply with your thoughtful insights.

:) When I was 10 I read "Hawaii" by James Mitchner. At the time it was the largest book I had decided to tackle. There were things that happened in that book at that age I had no understanding of... and at 10 years old I couldn't have. When the movie came out in 1966 I was 12 and was very disappointed that it only covered a few pages of the book. I really liked the book because there were many stories and dealt with the history of the island and the people who lived there and then those who migrated there. The side effect of reading so many books when I was younger, was that I have a great reading vocabulary but my pronunciation of some words, because I did not hear them, is not always correct which has always amuses my husband..

I read James Michener's books, too. One of my all-time favorites of his is Centennial. I've re-read it several times over the years. I did read Hawaii, too, and should probably re-read it! To tackle any of his books at age 10 is quite an achievement!

I was in an experimental program in Los Angles when I was in second grade and we were encouraged to read as many books as we could. It was a unique way of reading where common words we flashed on a screen and became more like reading a symbol, not like spelling it out in our heads. It's hard to explain the process. Both of the classes involved were in a race to see which class could read the most books as well. What ever it did it worked. By the time I was 10 I was reading books from the adult part of the library. When I had read the books I took out while waiting to go back for more I would read the encyclopedia or the dictionary. I really enjoy reading a lot and there were some side benefits of thinking faster and having better reaction times. I am no where near as intelligent as my husband... but I think because I am well read, he thinks I am. :) But he loves to correct my pronunciation of words. (Sometimes I mess them up on purpose.. tee hee)

The Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon would be on my list, most every book by A. S. Byatt except Possession, and Snow Falling On Cedars by David Guterson (not a terrible book, but tedious).

Possession was a fabulous read!

Yes, I loved Possession, it's one of my favourite books. Unfortunately her other books didn't measure up to it.

All those horrendous Cave Bear books, (Jean Ault, or something is the author) which are not only terribly written, but based on long discredited concepts of human evolution. Boring, obvious, and trite.

And then, (this could be a sensitive one) anything typed by the great fraud, Dan Brown.
(A historical aside. Shortly after joining Gather, I entered a contest to write a short piece satirizing Dan Brown. My entry was called "The Vinnie Code" and took place in Brooklyn. As it turned out, the contest was run by a Gather group called the Writing Wombats (still active 5 years later) which among others, included Pete S. as a member. However, Pete left Gather a few short weeks before I arrived, leading some to speculations on whether we were in fact, one. We are not.)

Did you see all the remarks by Pete S? He's probably the one and the same who left earlier. He's quite a wit!

Sy is, I am sad to report, dead wrong. We are one in the same person, and I/we have proven the Firesign Theatre wrong: we can be in two places at once.

Ha, ha! You are crackin' me up!

I would say not to read any kind of scary books, but that is just me I'm not a big scary movie or book person nor do I like sci-fiction or twilight or any of that. I prefer books such as Anne frank, and books more about truth and are tear jerkers.

BTW, I read this comment thread with considerable trepidation, fully expecting to see my book listed here. When I first joined Gather in 2007, I did so for the express purpose of promoting the book. Quite a few Gatherites took the bait and bought it. I suppose I am lucky in that either those folks have not seen this post, or they are simply being polite, and refraining from listing it here. Thanks, gang.

Simon, thank you for your comments. I had no intention of disparaging anyone with this post. It was really meant as humor. I had to delete a long remark by someone who took great exception to the post; he said some very unkind things to me and about me.

Do not read any of the books by Gregory Macguire, which I think is his name. He wrote the books about Wizard of Oz.

Shannon, I did read them all, including the last one. I liked the first couple but the one he wrote to wrap the series up was long and tedious. I think the first one was the best. I liked the whole concept of taking the characters from The Wizard of Oz and telling a completely new view of their lives.

I thought it would be a great concept too.

The Godfather...I could never finish it nor watch the movie,

Lord of the Flies...most depressing piece of literature to be assigned to me at school. No wonder we have so many teen suicides!