Dear Planet Earth,
I wish I had seen a trail of smoke arching toward the devious drill snake from myÂ Shoulder Mounted Ass Wiper. A translucent line leading up to the gaping hole under the beastâ€™s belly â€” thatâ€™s all I would need to truly know that the shot came from me. ThatÂ I killed it.
The way it really happened, there was just a loud hiss and then a big BOOM a second later. The mole man weapon groaned and twitched. It moved and sounded as though it werenâ€™t a machine at all, but something alive, something conscious.Â It fell to the ground with an earth-shaking THUD. Sparks and smoke came out of its many new openings.
I struggled to get up under the weight of the SMAW and the shock of just shooting a freaking missile into a freaking tank equipped withÂ drills, saws, and Gatling guns.Â My allies quickly surrounded the drill snake, keeping their rifles drawn on it. They yelled things out to each other that I didnâ€™t understand, if I heard them at all.
A small door opened on its side followed by a small man. He landed on his back and began coughing through hisÂ red-eyed mask. The soldiers yelled louder now, slowly inching toward the writhing mole man. He reached at his leg and pulled out a strange-looking pistol. It was huge compared to him, covered in blinking lights and steaming pipes. He was riddled with holes before he could get a little finger around the trigger.
When it was all over and my last drop of adrenaline had gone, I fell back to the ground. I looked at the grey Seattle skyline and the iconicÂ Space Needle framed on all sides by fire and testosterone. And then I passed the fuck out.
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