The Koolest Kid in Fifth Grade

Michael was the least popular kid in fifth grade. He wanted to be the most popular, but he would have been happy being just a little bit popular. Trouble was, not only was Michael the smallest fifth grader, he was also the kid the teacher’s liked. Whenever the other kids talked about him, it was always about “the little nerd” or “that dork” or “that smartass.”

Michael didn’t want to be a nerd, a dork or a smart ass. He wanted to be Josh Harris.

Josh wore the coolest clothes; always had the newest haircuts, always knew what music to listen to better than anybody. If someone in class was being sent to the Principals office just for making the other kids laugh, it was Josh. At lunch wherever Josh set, everyone else wanted to sit. You would think they might want to sit with the smartest boy in fifth grade, but why sit with the nerd if you had a chance to sit with the kid who had whatever it was you wanted? In short, Josh was IT and Michael wasn’t.

Michael decided he had to make Josh think he was cool, so he made a list of what he might do.

1)    Music. Out. O-U-T, out. His parents wouldn’t let him listen to most of the music the other kids listened to.

2)    Ipod. Josh had one, but his family was rich. Three hundred dollars was too much.

3)    Chess. Cool, but not cool.

4)    Funny. Maybe, with some good jokes.

5)    Clothes. Maybe, but Mom bought the school clothes in August

6)    Haircut. Forget it

7)    TV. Not much chance here, either. Not when you only got to watch five shows a week

That was it: Just one thing. Michael sat down at his computer and started searching. More than an hour later he had three jokes that made him laugh, so he started memorizing them.

The next day during recess Michael called to Josh, “Hey, Josh, want to hear some good jokes?”

“Sure. Whatcha got, Michael?”

Michael waited a moment while the other kids gathered around. He knew they were going to laugh. Then Josh would want more and more jokes and everybody would like Michael because he would be Josh’s new best friend from now on. “Remember when Mr. Porter was teaching us about Rhinoceroses?” Michael began. Everyone giggled. Michael liked that. This was going to be good, because any joke about Mr. Porter had to be funny simply because Mr. Porter was never funny. Mr. Porter was just mean.

“This doesn’t sound like a Joke, Mikey.”

“It is. It’s a real good one.”

“Okay, I remember.”

“Well, as you remember Rhinos are really big and dangerous.”

“And why is that.”

“It’s because they’re monsters with huge horns, but you’re not supposed to ask questions.”

“What am I supposed to do?”

“You’re not supposed to ask anything, because this is a joke.”

“Okay?”

“Thinking about those Rhinos, name some other things with horns that are very dangerous.”

“Cars.”

“Right.”

“So, what’s the joke?”

“Don’t you get it? Other big things with horns are deer and moose and bulls and…”

“Yeah, I get it. Very funny, Mikey.”

“Want to hear another one.”

“Another time, Mikey,” Josh said as he walked away, taking the crowd with him. “Time to play some basketball.”

Michael followed everyone to the basketball courts, but didn’t stay long. The teams were already picked. A couple of the other boys were pointing and laughing at him. “Same as usual,” Michael thought. Slowly, dragging his feet, he walked over to the school steps and sat down. Usually, when he wasn’t picked, he either wandered around, watching the other kids until somebody asked him to play something, but he didn’t feel like doing that now. He blew his last chance. Josh didn’t even smile, at least not when he was supposed to smile.

Michael picked up a handful of pebbles and started tossing them at nothing in particular. He was on pebble number seven or eight when he noticed a little chalk drawing at the edge of the sidewalk. He got up to look at it.

As he stared at it he thought of something else he could try. He was good at art. His dad had some cans of spray paint. He would have to sneak out in the middle of the night. He could get in a lot of trouble. If it worked though, maybe Josh would think Michael was the coolest kid he knew. Michael had all he could do to wait for the end of the school day.

As soon as he got home he began searching for the picture he wanted and printed it. He worked on it a little till he got it just right. Once that was finished he went to the garage, found a can of black paint and a small paint brush. He took them back upstairs and hid the paint under his bed. Dinner came and went. He finished his homework and surprised his parents by going straight to bed, saying he was tired. Michael set his alarm for 2 a.m., put it under his pillow and got into bed. Because of his excitement he tossed and turned about an hour before he fell asleep. The alarm startled him so that he jumped out of bed, thinking he was late for school, and then remembered what he was going to do.

He had to hide twice on the way there and four times on the way back. He had no idea how long it took him, but at least the sun wasn’t coming up when he got home. He was proud of his work. Even if Josh didn’t like it, Michael didn’t care. Nobody knew and nobody would know who until Michael was sure.
The next morning people driving past the school were surprised by what they saw on the back of the scoreboard.