Last Conversation with Lily Laptop (Monday Writing Essential)

Hey, Lily, What's going on?  Why are you so slow these days?  I’ve done everything I could think of to help. 

I cleaned your cache, defragged you, moved a whole bunch of stuff to an external drive … I took big, new makeup brush and fluffed all your keys, cleaned your screen, made sure your connections were secure, upgraded your browser … ran PC Tools Registry Cleaner, ran Malwarebytes. 

Are you just getting old?  I mean, you were brand new in 2005, so in laptop years, that's only 70, right? 

Come on, that’s not old.  I mean, 70 is the new 50.  

I know.  You have a really hard time refreshing your screen lately.  You can’t have more than two tabs open on the internet, and forget watching a video more than 2-1/2  minutes long.  Is it Chrome?  Is it Firefox?  Is it IE?  Is it Cable?

I hate to say this, but I might have to get a divorce.  I know, I know – I love you too.  But some of my friends have urged me to switch to Apple.

Ugh.  Is that language really necessary, Lilypad?  I didn’t realize you had family over there. 

And no, I didn’t realize you were estranged.  Look, there’s got to be reconciliation somehow. 

I know – we can’t run Spider on a Mac.  But don’t you think it might be a good idea?

Wow, blue screen of death.  I really wasn’t expecting that.

Signing off,

Primary User