Hey, Lily, What's going on? Why are you so slow these days? I’ve done everything I could think of to help.
I cleaned your cache, defragged you, moved a whole bunch of stuff to an external drive … I took big, new makeup brush and fluffed all your keys, cleaned your screen, made sure your connections were secure, upgraded your browser … ran PC Tools Registry Cleaner, ran Malwarebytes.
Are you just getting old? I mean, you were brand new in 2005, so in laptop years, that's only 70, right?
Come on, that’s not old. I mean, 70 is the new 50.
I know. You have a really hard time refreshing your screen lately. You can’t have more than two tabs open on the internet, and forget watching a video more than 2-1/2 minutes long. Is it Chrome? Is it Firefox? Is it IE? Is it Cable?
I hate to say this, but I might have to get a divorce. I know, I know – I love you too. But some of my friends have urged me to switch to Apple.
Ugh. Is that language really necessary, Lilypad? I didn’t realize you had family over there.
And no, I didn’t realize you were estranged. Look, there’s got to be reconciliation somehow.
I know – we can’t run Spider on a Mac. But don’t you think it might be a good idea?
Wow, blue screen of death. I really wasn’t expecting that.