Marge's Llama Problems In A Back Cover Book Rejection : SaTwE: (Book bio/back cover)

Whilst hacking away through the vast forest of editor rejects, I came upon this gem of a book bio back cover. Marge wanted to explain her role with the world famous Flickertail sleuth tales. The following is Marge’s back cover Flickertail book editor rejected version.
 

Marge's Rejected Version:

Rumors have flourished of how I acquired Flickertail. Some say I won him at Bingo or in a raffle and these facts simply untrue. My husband Russ had promised to buy me a warm Winter coat and bought a llama needing to soon be sheared and I swooned. Yes, I was in heaven and got out my darning equipment and playfully stuck Russ with a knitting needle and he yelped ’Ouch.’

Flickertail had the finest wool of a word class llama, but the color was not what I had wanted. I told Flickertail I was going to make him a dandy attractive to every lady llama. He then winked at me and said in Latin, ’Esurio.’ I stood there is disbelief, but Flickertail kept saying ’Esurio,’ so I got him hay and clover to eat, with a nice red apple, a carrot and a sugar cube for his sweet tooth. We hit it off good right away.

It took me a while to relearn Latin phrases, so my loving husband bought me a CD of dirges with Rosetta Stone translations. Pretty soon I could understand the Pope, but Flickertail, a supersonic fast learner had already learned English and signed up as a Packers fan. Flickertail was rather opposed to being dyed red until a cute little llama called Wannabe came along and said she was looking for a hot red wool llama lover.

I found out about Flickertail’s sense of sleuth, when he figured out our house had a hidden room. This room was filled with cotton garments and nothing made of wool. A picture showing the previous family living here shivering was readily understood. So, Flickertail gave me more than enough wool, but seemed rather shy, so I bought him a garment of fig leaves and his activity with Wannabe I‘ll keep private.

As the above must in consideration merit, this is not the Kentucky Derby, but a llama who treats me like a private servant.  I am Marge, writer of these stories, but Flickertail thinks I’ll automatically pack his lunch every time he flies to Texas. Flickertail and his good horse friend Paint talk about a lot of things, but Flickertail assured me he did not talk about Russ, but about my slow service. I guess I must try harder.