by Priya P.
Member since:
December 28, 2010

Satya Jell on splattered thoughts - MP2012 (senyru)

April 10, 2012 02:21 AM UTC (Updated: April 11, 2012 03:01 AM UTC)
views: 0 | 10 people recommend this | comments: 35

 

Like paint he splatters
His thoughts on blank white paper
But that's just his poetry
------------------------------------------
For Mindful Poetry - a senyru
Follow the syllable count
Follow the subject theme
You have freedom to make line breaks as you choose or none at all.
Today's prompt: although Japanese poetry like haiku and senyru are not usually titled, we will title ours. For your title: Use a name of someone on Gather. If you are hesitant to do that, use your own name as it appears on Gather.
Publish so that the date stamped is April 10th and only stamped once unless you provide a clarifying comment.
Tag with MP2012
Publish to Mindful Poetry (and other groups as you wish)

 

Comments: 35

Granny Janny Apr 10, 2012, 2:52am UTC
This is colorfully done in black and white. You went over the syllable count which is seventeen
But it works for me.
Priya P. Apr 10, 2012, 7:27am UTC
He was not supposed to be in there in the first line, where did that come from!!! Argggggg hate when that happens. Don't think we are allowed to edit these

Susan Budig - Mindful Poet Apr 10, 2012, 9:21am UTC
No need to edit now, I can read it like you intended. But it still has one extra syllable.

I really do like your "deletion" of "he" in the first line.
Priya P. Apr 10, 2012, 10:34pm UTC
In general, for the contest, you dont want edits right?
Cynthia C. Apr 10, 2012, 7:50am UTC
Thank you so much for sharing with Sadies Points
Priya P. Apr 10, 2012, 10:33pm UTC
:)
Susan Budig - Mindful Poet Apr 10, 2012, 9:22am UTC
A quite wonderful tribute to a poet. (But why isn't he here participating, too? -teasing-)

Senyru poetry like this definitely appears at Mindful Poetry.
Priya P. Apr 10, 2012, 10:33pm UTC
I just barely got him to join my group nifty fifty, and I doubt I'll see a post there. He loves to write but on his terms, not good with forms, prompts and requirements. None the less, I'll mention your comment; who knows ..... :)

Sorry I messed up the syllable count. Originally I had it right, then kept changing it and finally messed it up.
Granny Janny Apr 10, 2012, 11:19pm UTC
He sounds like an artist.
Priya P. Apr 10, 2012, 11:49pm UTC
To me, everything he paints (writes) is gold :). But then I'm a hopeless romantic ...
A. F. Stewart Apr 10, 2012, 10:04am UTC
A lovely poem.
Priya P. Apr 10, 2012, 10:35pm UTC
Thank you, so simple but I too like this one
Atticus *. Apr 10, 2012, 11:18am UTC
Oh, Priya, I love this. Great Senryu.
Priya P. Apr 10, 2012, 10:35pm UTC
Thank you so much Atticus, so sweet of you
Veronica Hosking Apr 10, 2012, 11:56am UTC
Yes your words paint a great description.
Priya P. Apr 10, 2012, 10:28pm UTC
Mvery fitting comment, thank you
Ann Marcaida Apr 10, 2012, 1:33pm UTC
Thanks for sharing with Gather's Luminous Writers and Artists. If you sent this to The Circus, I will feature it in honor of Satya, one of our frequent contributors.
Ann Marcaida Apr 10, 2012, 1:39pm UTC
(I can't find this at the Circus, but if you decide to send it, please put it up on the features board).
Priya P. Apr 10, 2012, 10:28pm UTC
I did post it there, I'll feature it. You are sweet and he will love the feature :)
Angie O. Apr 10, 2012, 1:47pm UTC
Very good!
Priya P. Apr 10, 2012, 10:27pm UTC
Thank you :)
Richard Lynn Livesay Apr 10, 2012, 2:50pm UTC
great Satya senyra, he'll be greatful
Priya P. Apr 10, 2012, 10:24pm UTC
Im sure he will. Thank you so much
Alice G. Apr 10, 2012, 4:35pm UTC
Well done Pri. Very descriptive!
Priya P. Apr 10, 2012, 10:23pm UTC
Thank you ;)
Kingston Kaprinski Apr 10, 2012, 8:14pm UTC
Like an accountant I added 20 syllables to your excellent senryu. No harm done. Very poised. I like it a lot.
Priya P. Apr 10, 2012, 10:23pm UTC
Awww thank you. I'm normally do good with forms and sticking to format. This was a simple one and still messed it up! But alas I still like how it turned out. Thank you so much
JOHN BECK Apr 10, 2012, 10:26pm UTC
Hmmmm. I only counted 19. Well done, anyway, and a worthy subject.
Priya P. Apr 10, 2012, 11:23pm UTC
:) thanks John
Virginia M. Apr 10, 2012, 11:38pm UTC
I like it :)
Priya P. Apr 11, 2012, 2:29am UTC
Thank you sooo much
Janet "Jax" B. Apr 11, 2012, 1:25am UTC
very nice....(and it's good to know that I'm not the only one that messes up the count sometimes)
Priya P. Apr 11, 2012, 2:30am UTC
Lol, we all do it when trying so hard to make it perfect. But we get kudos for trying :)
Mustafa Demiri Apr 11, 2012, 1:43am UTC
Well done... A wonderful portrait in words.
Priya P. Apr 11, 2012, 2:48am UTC
Such a beautiful thing to say

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