Lolly the Leprechaun has been responsible for many headaches in my life.Â The result of meeting him the first time was that he reversed my rhinoplasty, my husband left me, and I had to move back in with my mother and her insufferable husband whose only hobbies include farting and sticking his tongue down her mouth to her tonsils.Â Â The second time I encountered Lolly he tricked me into kissing him which turned my lips neon green.Â Later that day I proceeded to be turned into a leprechaun who had to be rescued from a parading intoxicated cowboy by Lolly himself. Â And just when I thought the roof would cave in on my now rounded face with a pointy hat; Lolly confessed he loved me.
Of course such a declaration left me exasperated considering all that I had been through, yet what are the options are left to a girl now two foot three with neon green lips and curly course hair of bright orange fair?Â Could it be that part of me loved Lolly too?Â No, he enticed me with promises of gold and treasure beyond my imagination and look what it got me â€“ I was a leprechaun!Â My only conciliation now as a leprechaun I could find my own pot of gold under a rainbow; butâ€¦yetâ€¦what good is all the treasure in the world if you donâ€™t have anyone to share it with?
Pretty damn good it turns out.
Listen I might be two foot three but I still have a passport and money doesnâ€™t care that I have neon green lips and curly course hair of bright orange fair.Â I now have a French chateau, an Italian villa, a London townhouse, a New York penthouse, a mansion in Los Angeles, and an environmentally friendly ranch home in Kansas City.Â My closet is filled with demure sized haute couture.Â I party with royalty and roll with rap stars.Â I have three chefs, two stylists, and a masseuse in my permanent employment as I hop from chateau, villa, townhouse, penthouse, mansion, and environmentally friendly ranch.Â Frankly, who needs romance while sipping a mai-tai on an exclusive beach in Thailand!
Of course I see Lolly on occasion at Leprechaun meetings.Â He is still at his old games wanting me to give him a kiss.Â He reminds me that I owe him because he saved me from an intoxicated parading cowboy (are there any other kind?) but I dismiss him with a wiggle of my original nose.Â The problem for tomfoolery producing leprechauns is that karma is a bitch.Â Therefore I felt no shame this St. Patâ€™s enticing Lolly the Leprechaun into my bed.Â With a pucker of my neon green lips I replaced my petite self with one farting tonsil tickling stepfather.
BTW, my love tank is fullâ€¦Iâ€™m dating _____.Â Look for it soon in a Crazy Days and Nights blind item.Â : )
Thus I end my journey of all things Lolly the Leprechaun.Â I wish you joy and fine drink, within legal limits, this St. Patrickâ€™s day and every day after!
Oâ€™Westerfield Â© 2012
List of The Four Leaf Clover Series of Lolly the Leprechaun stories
A Visit From a Leprechaun â€“ 2009
The Return of Lolly the Leprechaun â€“ 2010