by Kimberly Blackadar
Member since:
October 8, 2009

(Friday Writing Essential / SIOW)

January 13, 2012 02:24 PM UTC
views: 0 | 8 people recommend this | comments: 41

Friday Writing Essential / SIOW

 

In response to Andrea’s challenge, I am posting the opening paragraph of my current book (a work in progress—albeit slow progress). Feel free to offer criticism, and for Jax, I know you won't read it...yet! :)

 

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“Out!”

“And when will you be home?”

Never, I want to say because this apartment doesn’t feel like home. But I say nothing and open the door. The door divides the worlds: Shouting and harsh truths live on one side, whispers and lies on the other.

I sling my duffle bag over my shoulder and step out into the humid night air.

“Callie...” Her voice follows me. “I’m not done talking to you…”

I ignore her and hit the stairs like a stadium workout. When I reach the bottom, I consider the places to go—my escapes from reality. I pull my phone from my back pocket and dial. “You busy tonight?”

 

 

Write/share an IP you've written. It can be:

  • Something from a book/short story/essay/poem, etc. you're working on
  • Something you'd written a long time ago and 1) think is a good example, or 2) want help on
  • Something you make up on the spot
  • Anything else I missed :-)

 

Comments: 41

Pam Brittain Jan 13, 2012, 2:48pm UTC
Sounds like a typical teen.
Kimberly Blackadar Jan 13, 2012, 3:13pm UTC
That's my goal. Thanks, Pam.
Len Maxwell Jan 13, 2012, 2:58pm UTC
An intriguing beginning. I can see a number of ways you could take this.

Thanks for sharing with The Triple Name Club.
Kimberly Blackadar Jan 13, 2012, 3:15pm UTC
I was trying to keep it open ended. Thanks for your feedback, Len.

I'm actually working on my SatWE, and I got to a point of no writing and took a break. I should post soon...I hope...
Kimberly Blackadar Jan 13, 2012, 3:15pm UTC
Wait, my hubby just requested that I walk away from the computer. :) How about later?
Len Maxwell Jan 13, 2012, 3:18pm UTC
I keep saying that you can post to any of my challenges whenever you want.
Kimberly Blackadar Jan 13, 2012, 3:21pm UTC
I say the same thing, Len, but the deadlines help me to get it done.
J. Reid Jan 13, 2012, 4:25pm UTC
LOL... As a psychologist, this family needs help and an intervention may be now too late!
J. Reid Jan 13, 2012, 5:20pm UTC
Smiles...

Thank you for submitting to: Not Gathering Dust!
Kimberly Blackadar Jan 13, 2012, 10:19pm UTC
Don't worry, Johnice. The topic of therapy comes out more than once in the book. :)
J. Reid Jan 14, 2012, 8:43am UTC
LOL... Sorry, I jumped the gun, all the flags went up! I guess early recognition of the family dynamic is a sign of an intriguing story on the rise. Smiles...
Kimberly Blackadar Jan 14, 2012, 9:31am UTC
I think it's great that you spotted it right away. I was trying to create the tension.
J. Reid Jan 14, 2012, 11:31am UTC
Success! LOL...
JOHN BECK Jan 13, 2012, 5:21pm UTC
Nice hook, Kimberly. I especially like, "Shouting and harsh truths live on one side, whispers and lies on the other."
Kimberly Blackadar Jan 13, 2012, 10:21pm UTC
Thanks, John. I appreciate the positive feedback.
DarkBeauty 73 (Melanie) Jan 13, 2012, 6:47pm UTC
nice thanks for sharing
Kimberly Blackadar Jan 13, 2012, 10:21pm UTC
Thanks for reading.
libramoon .. Jan 13, 2012, 7:51pm UTC
I like the realism. The language brings the reader in, does not detract from the narrative, yet has a poetic quality of metaphoric imagery.
Kimberly Blackadar Jan 13, 2012, 10:21pm UTC
Thank you so much. I appreciate the the comparison to poetry.
Larry H. Jan 13, 2012, 7:57pm UTC
thanks for sharing your beginning
Kimberly Blackadar Jan 13, 2012, 10:21pm UTC
Thanks for reading, Larry.
Janet "Jax" B. Jan 13, 2012, 8:30pm UTC
Nope....not yet....just waiting for it to come out.....
Kimberly Blackadar Jan 13, 2012, 10:22pm UTC
Thanks for reminding me to hurry up! :)
William Dotani Jan 14, 2012, 2:44am UTC
I always make up stuff on the spot.
Kimberly Blackadar Jan 14, 2012, 9:32am UTC
That's because you're so creative.
Richard Thuss Jan 14, 2012, 11:32am UTC
I like it.
Kimberly Blackadar Jan 14, 2012, 10:39pm UTC
Thanks, Richard.
Patricia J. Jan 14, 2012, 2:18pm UTC
It sure is a dramatic start!
Kimberly Blackadar Jan 14, 2012, 10:39pm UTC
Thank you, Patricia.
Tessa D. Jan 14, 2012, 3:03pm UTC
good start, but I am not comfortable with a book that starts with unattribtued dialog (who is saying that?)
Kimberly Blackadar Jan 14, 2012, 10:41pm UTC
I agree with you. It's a little risky to start off with talking heads. I wanted to go from vague to clear, letting the reader figure out who is speaking as the scene unravels. I may change my mind. I don't want to ruin the entire book with a risky opening. Thanks for your honest feedback, Tessa.
Angela A. Jan 14, 2012, 8:51pm UTC
That's one great opening paragraph!
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Kimberly Blackadar Jan 14, 2012, 10:41pm UTC
Thank you, Angela.
Sir Winton Charles Hopper III Jan 19, 2012, 12:51pm UTC
Wonderful start!
Kimberly Blackadar Jan 19, 2012, 2:26pm UTC
Thank you, Winston. I appreciate the feedback.
Andrea Pearson Jan 20, 2012, 3:44pm UTC
I like the "stadium workout" reference. Very nice!
Kimberly Blackadar Jan 20, 2012, 4:24pm UTC
Thank you, Andrea.
Ms Lee P. Jan 20, 2012, 10:57pm UTC
I enjoyed this introduction .... if a book doesn't "get me" in the opening pages then I usually don't end up enjoying the whole book. This one caught my attention and now I want to read more.
Kimberly Blackadar Jan 21, 2012, 9:13am UTC
Thank you for reading it, Ms. Lee. I'm glad you liked the opening paragraph...I just need to finish up the rest of the book. :)

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