by Sheila Deeth
Member since:
February 1, 2007

Listen - Saturday Writing Essentials

August 29, 2011 12:52 PM UTC
views: 0 | 9 people recommend this | comments: 18

You’ve told them once, a hundred times. “Listen to Shakespeare. Hear the voice in your head. Don’t turn it into a math question.” But are they listening?

“Double double…”

You glare round the classroom at students’ dull blank stares.

“Toil and trouble…”

And, all unawares, you’ve closed your eyes, listening…

 

Saturday writing essentials Challenge: Write something (prose or poetry; fiction, nonfiction, or essay) using only second person. Somewhere in your work, include an authorial intrusion and try to make it subtle enough that none of your readers will be able to identify it.

Comments: 18

JOHN BECK Aug 29, 2011, 12:55pm UTC
The authorial intrusion doesn't jump out at me and this is too good for me to further analyze it.

How's that for a cop-out?
Angela A. Aug 29, 2011, 6:29pm UTC
I believe the intrusion would be: But, are they listening.
I believe it might read, But, are you listening?
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Allen H. Sep 4, 2011, 12:20am UTC
Angela has aced it - "they" is third person plural!
JOHN BECK Sep 4, 2011, 12:36am UTC
Three cheers for Angela!
Angela A. Sep 4, 2011, 1:43pm UTC
Good, looks like I got it!
Audrey Howitt Aug 29, 2011, 9:25pm UTC
Nice job!
Bernard C. Aug 30, 2011, 3:48am UTC
Have heard this somewhere before - the little voices up there or a little birdy told me - is always good to listen even if it is not making any sense - thanks for sharing :-)

Thanks for submitting to
The Surreal Circus.
Patricia J. Aug 30, 2011, 5:36am UTC
Not are they listening but are you?
Heidi S. Aug 30, 2011, 11:29am UTC
Very good! "Don't turn it into a math question" - ha!
Good writing and it's even true!

Mare~
Len Maxwell Aug 31, 2011, 5:15pm UTC
Outstanding writing in the 2nd person.

Thanks for taking the SatWE challenge.
Len Maxwell Sep 3, 2011, 5:36pm UTC
It's always nice to see Saturday roll around because I can come back and feature work such as this on Gather Writing Essential.
Kerry Dexter Sep 3, 2011, 5:42am UTC
nice, Sheila. I'd have a different take on the authorial intrusion than others have said, though: I think it is the last line. and quite subtle.
Len Maxwell Sep 3, 2011, 5:35pm UTC
I tend to agree with you. I can't find any other.
Sheila Deeth Sep 5, 2011, 8:12pm UTC
That's the one I intended certainly. Guess I should have written "You wonder, are they listening?" but I was counting words--or not listening closely enough to the prompt :)
Richard Lynn Livesay Sep 3, 2011, 4:33pm UTC
"you've closed your eyes, listening" nice write, Sheila
Sandi S. Sep 6, 2011, 3:24pm UTC
Bravo!

Sometimes they are listening.
William Dotani Sep 11, 2011, 1:41am UTC
Nice blending of different concepts.

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