Joan Was Not Quizzical

Joan was not the quizzical sort nor would she endorse with her voice her choice of anything of course while listening to Beatle records. So puzzled family members and friends wondered about Joan’s intentions when the story came out she was the anonymous fifth caller, which cousin Thomas doubts with reservations.

Joan had an unfortunate history with quizzes. She had given the wrong answer at age 13 at a school event. The audience had laughed at her, then begged her to repeat her answer again. Even now, twenty years later, people still ask her to repeat this at social events. This has lastingly embarrassed her away from contests, but sometimes her lips move it seems silently while watching Jeopardy..

It was a nice cold sunny day and Joan had recently found herself wondering about this and that and this made her feel happy as she inspected the kitchen floor wax. She turned the radio on and started dancing. This started a tide of events that included the weather and that unexpected and alarming.

The radio station had a contest and would accept the fifth caller. Joan never meant to enter, but on her kitchen floor a snake suddenly appeared and slithered near. Joan jumped, slipped on a banana peel and well…

She grabbed the telephone falling to the floor, which scared the snake as she dialed the radio station by mistake. To make things worse, Joan thought she was talking to a police officer who was mentioning prizes offered.

Joan was resolute to get someone to remove the slithering snake from her kitchen so she could wax then bake. With growing impatience she answered each question correctly, then wondered if the officer had eaten bad donuts for lunch and then said directly...

‘I need a snake removed from my kitchen.‘ She could not believe the reply. Snake was the secret word, and after the commercial break, she would have a chance to win the $50,000 grand prize. Joan then realized this was a radio station as the snake slithered outside her view into the living room entertainment section.

A thunderstorm was moving in and there was a crackle on the line. There was a violent shaking thunderclap and the radio host said, ’$50,000 is on the line.’ He then asked Joan the question and a few seconds ticked away before she answered correctly and just as he said, ‘Congratulations, please stay on the line,’ a bolt of lighning crashed from the sky.

Just outside Joan's sidedoor, a giant ash split in two and fell into electrical wires causing the city's electrical grid to crash. Phones and lights went out as did her preheating oven. The radio station lost contact data and needed to find her to give her the prize money.

The radio station conducted a search to find the fifth caller and contest winner. Joan was totally unaware and was trying to find shoes that fit her. The radio kept playing Joan’s distinctive voice. Every family member, friend and even the Postman were so shocked and surprised that no one knows quite how to tell her.