by Kathryn Flynn
Member since:
January 15, 2006

FWE ~Haiku ~ Step softly and bow

January 08, 2011 06:26 PM UTC
views: 0 | 22 people recommend this | comments: 60

We the lucky, lay
under a white lace cover
'til the green pokes through.

Remember those killed
when you whisper in the night;
remember their howls.

Step softly and bow
'round the still-warm graves of those
surrendered too soon.

Hear their frail echoes
and know that spring warms you but
leaves the dead stone cold.



I rewrote some lines fromFWE ~ lay down your swords ~ lay thee downto make them acceptable to Haiku form. A great exercise.

Comments: 60

Katryn D. Jan 8, 2011, 6:33pm UTC
lovely haiku chain
Kathryn Flynn Jan 8, 2011, 10:24pm UTC
thank you, katryn
Kasey Klein Jan 8, 2011, 6:34pm UTC
.
Kathryn Flynn Jan 9, 2011, 1:02am UTC
ty
Larry H. Jan 8, 2011, 6:48pm UTC
thanks for sharing.
Kathryn Flynn Jan 9, 2011, 1:02am UTC
you are welcome
elizabeth evans Jan 8, 2011, 7:30pm UTC
Goes well with the photo/essay Magi posted yesterday.
Kathryn Flynn Jan 8, 2011, 8:26pm UTC
I will take a look
stephen berwaldt Jan 8, 2011, 7:38pm UTC
How lovely are the words of this gauntlet you've thrown...head and shoulders above my own...you set the bar high...We'll have to dig deep and jump high to transcend it...as if we could...but we can try...
It's easy to forget the dead...they never complain when we don't come calling...
what a wonderful elegy to their memory...and all in haiku

Featured in the Triple Name Club.
Kathryn Flynn Jan 8, 2011, 8:26pm UTC
Stephen, thank you for the Feature. Thank you very much!
Kathryn Flynn Jan 8, 2011, 8:29pm UTC
And Stephen, you are a very accomplished poet.... Such beautiful, evocative poems you write, with seemingly such ease and grace.

I had rewritten this from an earlier poem, because I find Haiku difficult to write.
JOHN BECK Jan 8, 2011, 9:45pm UTC
It's unusual to see enjambment in haiku, but there are many views about "rules" for the form. At any rate, these are nice, Kathryn.
Kathryn Flynn Jan 8, 2011, 10:18pm UTC
Oh those are in the rules? I didn't know. Lol.

Thanks.
Benita K. Jan 8, 2011, 10:36pm UTC
It is a difficult form to pick up on Kathryn but well worth working on. Lovely.
Kathryn Flynn Jan 9, 2011, 1:02am UTC
hello benita, thank you.
Barbary C. Jan 8, 2011, 10:16pm UTC
Still beauty in your words.

I really like this, Kathryn.
Kathryn Flynn Jan 8, 2011, 10:18pm UTC
barbary, thank you.
Donna C. Jan 8, 2011, 10:19pm UTC
Very lovely..........
Kathryn Flynn Jan 8, 2011, 10:23pm UTC
thank you.
Alison H. Jan 8, 2011, 10:20pm UTC
I love the way you have used a series of haiku. One spawns another. The brevity is so effective.
Kathryn Flynn Jan 8, 2011, 10:23pm UTC
thank you, alison.
Ian, the social being Jan 9, 2011, 12:00am UTC
Great! and thanks. I enjoy haikuses. :-)
Kathryn Flynn Jan 9, 2011, 12:58am UTC
can you canoe? is so, u can hai ku.
Ian, the social being Jan 9, 2011, 10:18am UTC
LOL I've never heard those connected... but I can (and do) both.
Atticus *. Jan 9, 2011, 12:21am UTC
Excellent Kathryn! I really enjoy these as a series. Individually they are gems of their own, but together they are very strong.
Kathryn Flynn Jan 9, 2011, 1:00am UTC
why, thank you very much, atticus. i am honored.
Kushal Poddar Jan 9, 2011, 3:43am UTC
And the second one is the silver bullet....
Bravo, Kathy
new
Kathryn Flynn Jan 9, 2011, 11:58am UTC
I like that one and the 4th best... thanks, ku
Mustafa Demiri Jan 9, 2011, 12:25am UTC
Unbearable wounds of loss...
The rivers of sorrow run deep
And widen with time.


Kathryn Flynn Jan 9, 2011, 1:01am UTC
beautiful lament of loss in your comment, there Mustafa.
Mustafa Demiri Jan 9, 2011, 1:04am UTC
A wonderfully written set of haiku.
Kathryn Flynn Jan 9, 2011, 1:44am UTC
oh well, I am deeply honored, mustafa.
Bridget McNulty Jan 9, 2011, 12:41am UTC
I really enjoyed the threading theme...it wound through your words like whispered sweet nothings on the wind. Well done for someone who claims to have problems writing Haiku :)
Kathryn Flynn Jan 9, 2011, 12:57am UTC
This was a bit of a cheat, in that I had the poem written in November, but tried to preserve the meaning in each stanza for each separate haiku, by shortening and taking out words and subbing in others; I had tried to write one from scratch and all I got were hacked images that didn't fit together. Maybe my brain will adapt in time to writing them from scratch. The poem I had written previously is linked in my 'commentary' below the haiku series.
Bridget McNulty Jan 9, 2011, 1:16pm UTC
I tend to just write what flows and then I edit for syllable count. Maybe you're just thinking about the structure too hard? I liked what you did with the earlier poem...it worked out magnificently lol
Kathryn Flynn Jan 9, 2011, 1:31pm UTC
I think I do think too hard about structure sometimes; I got bored with some of my earlier poems and wanted to recast them. lol.
Derwyn Ravello Jan 9, 2011, 1:45am UTC
Very well done, it sent thoughts to my head while reading!
Kathryn Flynn Jan 9, 2011, 11:58am UTC
oh derwyn, i am happy it did.
Jennifer Lee Jan 9, 2011, 2:51am UTC
In the first Haiku I love the comfort of lace and reference to Spring. The last three in the chain are powerful and evocative. Powerful writing, my friend.
Kathryn Flynn Jan 9, 2011, 11:58am UTC
thank you very much, Jenn..... I hope your Sunday is very good and that you had a good holiday. Must be back to school tomorrow?
Jennifer Lee Jan 9, 2011, 12:34pm UTC
Holidays were great! We went to Morro Bay as usual and tried to enjoy the beach as much as possible with all that rain! lol Sadly, I do have to work tomorrow. Have a wonderful Sunday, hun!
Kathryn Flynn Jan 9, 2011, 12:45pm UTC
Hardest day after vacation is the first. I would miss winter if I lived in CA but I did love my one Christmas there as a child, a sweater in LA and a swim in a pool.
Bernard C. Jan 9, 2011, 5:51am UTC
Very well written haiku's - the first one being my favourite at this point - thanks for sharing :-)

Thanks for submitting to
The Surreal Circus.
Kathryn Flynn Jan 9, 2011, 11:57am UTC
oh bernard, so very glad you really liked this one!!! yes, the first is very nice. My favorites are the 2nd and 4th. thank you very much,
A. F. Stewart Jan 9, 2011, 9:49am UTC
They're very wistful and beautiful.
Kathryn Flynn Jan 9, 2011, 11:48am UTC
Thank you, AF.
Ann Marcaida Jan 9, 2011, 11:32am UTC
I second Atticus. This trio works beautifully together. Thanks for sharing with Gather's Best Writers and Artists.
Kathryn Flynn Jan 9, 2011, 11:48am UTC
thank you very much, Ann. (Miss green green icon.)
Bill's Spirit Jan 9, 2011, 3:50pm UTC
Your words so well painted the images and evoked the corresponding feelings.

Most excellent Haiku, Kathryn !!


Now Featured under the big top of The Surreal Circus.
Kathryn Flynn Jan 9, 2011, 11:37pm UTC
thank you very much, bill.
Angela A. Jan 9, 2011, 4:38pm UTC
Your re-write added so much to this very lovely poem.
Kathryn Flynn Jan 9, 2011, 11:36pm UTC
thank you, angela
David W. Jan 9, 2011, 11:06pm UTC
They almost hurt too much to read. You are my MUSE!
Kathryn Flynn Jan 9, 2011, 11:36pm UTC
thank you
Dennis Gilman Jan 10, 2011, 5:18pm UTC
Nice chain of Haikus.
Kathryn Flynn Jan 10, 2011, 5:37pm UTC
ty
Kushal Poddar Jan 11, 2011, 9:41am UTC
wonderful!
Kathryn Flynn Jan 22, 2011, 10:17am UTC
thank you, ku

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