by Len Maxwell
Member since:
December 17, 2005

Holiday Newsletter for Thursday Writing Essential

December 03, 2009 12:36 PM UTC
views: 0 | comments: 36

Prompt: Create a holiday newsletter based on fact or fiction, but keep humor as your underlying theme.

Hi everyone,

Sammy and Tammy bringing you this year’s Christmas update. The past two weeks have been really exciting and I can’t go into a lot of detail because I’m using the computer at the library. That’s what happens when your house burns down. Ha, ha, ha!

Nobody knows what caused the fire, but the fire chief is saying that it was arson. He’s convinced that Uncle Fred burned the house down on purpose. That’s nonsense, of course, because we don’t have insurance on it and it happened in the middle of the afternoon. By that time of day Uncle Fred was so drunk he couldn’t have started a fire on purpose.

We heard him in the den swearing at the computer and we figure he probably smashed his bottle of Old Crow on the computer. We’re pretty sure that the resulting explosion that killed him also set the house on fire. He had been in there nearly an hour trying to type up Aunt Judy’s obituary.

She hasn’t been quite right in the head since Cousin Elliot was arrested. Naturally we all believe he was innocent of those charges, after all, how could a fourteen year-old boy have caused all that damage to city hall with just one pipe bomb?

If he just hadn’t tried to push the police chief off that balcony, they probably wouldn’t have had to shoot him. Oh, well, that’s life in our little family.

Don’t worry about us, though. We salvaged a mattress and some clothes from the house after the firemen left and we’ve moved into a nice little culvert under the Interstate. We’re just down the road from that big turkey farm and Sammy’s going to sneak down there tonight and pick up our Christmas turkey. While he’s doing that, I’m going to go through the trash bins behind the Piggly Wiggly and get our veggies and dessert. So, we’re pretty well set for Christmas dinner.

Hope you all have a happy holiday,

Sammy and Tammy

Comments: 36

d d. Dec 3, 2009, 12:54pm UTC
Ha ha ha! now this is a letter I would put on my fridge.... Most of the ones that I do get, I can't read past the first few lines.
Len Maxwell Dec 5, 2009, 9:59am UTC
Feel free to print it out, put it on the fridge, and tell your friends that it came from some poor relations.
d d. Dec 5, 2009, 10:29am UTC
they would want to know where to send supplies, food, money... :) LOL
Kelly K. Dec 3, 2009, 1:14pm UTC
LOL
Len Maxwell Dec 5, 2009, 9:59am UTC
Thanks for reading it.
Kay M Dec 3, 2009, 2:03pm UTC
LOL. Good to see you're keeping your spirits up.
Len Maxwell Dec 5, 2009, 10:00am UTC
Got to stay optimistic. There's also a pumpkin patch on the other side of the Interstate. I think I'll make a pumpkin pie.
Kay M Dec 5, 2009, 1:49pm UTC
That's the spirit! Enjoy that pie :-)
Connie C. Dec 3, 2009, 6:16pm UTC
LOL Poor old Uncle Fred. Glad you saved the mattress. LOL
Len Maxwell Dec 5, 2009, 10:00am UTC
The fire damage wasn't too bad. Just smells a bit strange.
Barbara H. Dec 3, 2009, 9:26pm UTC
Ha!Ha! You are a funny man. I wonder what would happen if one would write something like this and actually mail it. I think it would be funny to see the reaction. Of course changing the names.
Len Maxwell Dec 5, 2009, 10:01am UTC
I think most of my family would say, "Well, we don't have to worry about hearing from him any longer."
Connie C. Dec 4, 2009, 12:37am UTC
This Post Is Spotlighted In The Friday Edition of Today On Gather

You can View IT HERE

Congratulations!
Len Maxwell Dec 5, 2009, 10:01am UTC
Thank you, I can't think of a better compliment.
Sheila Deeth Dec 4, 2009, 1:06am UTC
A fine letter. Wonder who's going to pluck the turkey.
Len Maxwell Dec 5, 2009, 10:02am UTC
Oh, that's Tammy. You know, hunter brings home dinner, tosses it on the ground, and says, "Here's dinner, get it fixed."
Elizabeth Ann R. Dec 4, 2009, 2:24am UTC
Good story, Len. Thank you.
Len Maxwell Dec 5, 2009, 10:02am UTC
My pleasure. Thank you for your comment.
Elizabeth Ann R. Dec 5, 2009, 5:04pm UTC
You are most welcome, Len.
Lydia (part of the solution) Shelley Dec 4, 2009, 8:08am UTC
Oh my! Gruesomely amusing. Glad it's fiction!
Len Maxwell Dec 5, 2009, 10:03am UTC
Me too. I came soooo close to losing my home a couple years ago. Glad I can laugh about it now.
Lydia (part of the solution) Shelley Dec 5, 2009, 10:10am UTC
One of those "if you don't laugh, you'll cry" type situations, eh?
Debbie W. Dec 4, 2009, 2:17pm UTC
Funny and kind of sad too
Len Maxwell Dec 5, 2009, 10:04am UTC
The only sadness is the fact that some families do go through this. In our last big fire some months ago an acquaintance of mine lost everything and had nowhere to go. I honestly don't have any idea where that family is now living.
Annie G. Dec 4, 2009, 2:43pm UTC
This would be sad if true; however, it is just a "story", so I don't feel guilty laughing at it. What IS sad, is that there are families out there who resemble this one, just not as extreme. At least I hope not!!!
Len Maxwell Dec 5, 2009, 10:05am UTC
Yes, it's a story, written for the express purpose of causing some grins and giggles.
Ed Da Head Toker Dec 4, 2009, 9:50pm UTC
kool
Len Maxwell Dec 5, 2009, 10:05am UTC
Thanks, Ed, appreciate your stopping by.
Effervescent Mystique Dec 4, 2009, 9:57pm UTC
Funny stuff
Len Maxwell Dec 5, 2009, 10:07am UTC
Thank you, ma'am. Nice to see your smiling countenance gracing my post.
Ruthi C. Dec 4, 2009, 10:09pm UTC
Lordy Len, you scared me. I had to check the names in your story to make sure this wasn't a newsie from anyone in my nutty family! This is great, really. I have to say it is sad that some actually find themselves in these types of situations, especially the homeless one, so tho' I know this is fictional, it does give food for thought -- straight from Len's kitchen keyboard!
Len Maxwell Dec 5, 2009, 10:10am UTC
This is very loosely based on a story I read some fifty years ago about a man coming home from a trip and finding that his family was dead, his house burned down, his business wiped out, and that he was destitute. For some reason that story popped into my head as soon as I read the prompt.
Nurse Nancy S. Dec 5, 2009, 8:58am UTC
Ha Ha!! Merry Christmas, Len.
Len Maxwell Dec 5, 2009, 10:12am UTC
Thank you and Merry Christmas to you.
Donna Besso Dec 6, 2009, 6:58pm UTC
I love it, lol!
Len Maxwell Dec 7, 2009, 12:15pm UTC
Thank you. There's one advantage, with only one mattress they don't have to put up with relatives dropping in for the holidays.

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