by Shelbia C.

Member since:
November 19, 2006

Shattered Crystal

August 03, 2009 07:45 PM UTC (Updated: August 08, 2009 02:15 AM UTC)

views: 0 | 1 person recommends this | comments: 30

With bone dry eyes she studies

The shattered crystal at her feet

Seeing each tiny fragment

As a lost day in her wasted life.

She never meant to be here,

Expected implosion rather than explosion,

But sometimes things don't go as planned

and tripping through broken glass

is all there is.

A broom she thinks,

But sweeping would be symbolic

and she cannot--

Will not be erased

Falling to her knees,

She bloodies her fingers

in an attempt to place the pieces

but her dreams are too badly broken

and glue only blends with the tears

She doesn't know she's cried.

Find more about: poem, poetry, writing, reflecting, thoughts, tears, sad, loss

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1 person recommends this post

Barbara B.

Comments: 30

Shelbia C. Aug 3, 2009, 7:46pm UTC

Any suggestions are welcome. I am not sure about this one.

reply to this comment

Beth J. Aug 3, 2009, 7:49pm UTC

This is beautiful and feels so real

reply to this comment

Sandi S. Aug 3, 2009, 8:10pm UTC

Touching...

I think the last line is a little hard to wrap your head around. Maybe she didn't know the tears were there...she wondered where the tears had come from...

I like it the way it is, but you asked for suggestions and that is the only place that is little confusing.

Good work! I really enjoyed it, Shelbia.

reply to this comment

Linda T. Aug 3, 2009, 8:22pm UTC

I like how this flows except for the last few lines. The line with the glue throws me off.

reply to this comment

Spencer T. Aug 3, 2009, 8:34pm UTC

I find it inspiring though painful. For some reason when I read shatterd I expect glue to be someplace there symbolically to fix things.

Good stuff

reply to this comment

Lisa Frost Bailey Aug 3, 2009, 9:10pm UTC

It is very good and telling. I think many can sympathize or feel this one.

reply to this comment

Angela A. Aug 3, 2009, 9:10pm UTC

I really loved the symbolism in this one!
Beautiful!
Thanks for posting to my group, Anythingwriting

reply to this comment

Debby O. Aug 3, 2009, 9:14pm UTC

Not bad at all sweetie! Nice work!

reply to this comment

David W. Aug 3, 2009, 9:29pm UTC

A nice metaphor foor a shattered ife and dreams.

reply to this comment

Sheila Deeth Aug 5, 2009, 11:40pm UTC

Lovely poem. I think I misread the last line first time through, reading it like a separate sentence instead of a continuation. It makes beautiful sense, but that would be my only criticism, and it's more my careless reading than a real problem.

reply to this comment

William Dotani Aug 9, 2009, 3:31am UTC

Time stands still for the ashes and notices not their own decaying.

Shelbia C. Sep 4, 2009, 11:45pm UTC

I absolutely love this sentence.

reply to this comment

Barbara B. Aug 22, 2009, 8:11am UTC

Shelbia, never doubt your writing young lady; they come from
your heart..no better place than that my friend. *smiles*

Hugs, Barbie

reply to this comment

Barbara B. Aug 22, 2009, 8:13am UTC

I wish to thank you for commenting on my series 'Outside the Reservation'
I really am so thankful for that Shelbia.

Hugs, Barbie

reply to this comment

lynn a. Aug 27, 2009, 1:34am UTC

The fact that she would not use a broom and "sweep" herself away or up, and refused to be erased gave me hope. We can live some truly horrible despair and still survive. That part of your poem shows a strength. I wanted to cheer.

Shelbia C. Sep 4, 2009, 11:47pm UTC

I am glad that stood out for you. I really liked that part myself

reply to this comment

Kathryn Flynn Aug 27, 2009, 10:53am UTC

soooo painful, but so very, very well written....

reply to this comment

Angela K .. Aug 30, 2009, 5:29pm UTC

I am wowed, going to go now and read more of your work. Great job, I felt it.

reply to this comment

barb n. Sep 1, 2009, 11:47am UTC

Wow, girl, this was great!!! I loved how she wouldnt be erased, that was a very emotionally pulling write!!!!
Btw, I found the glue blending to "blend" right on with the poem, no hiccups for me~~~~

reply to this comment

tammy b. Sep 2, 2009, 10:53pm UTC

very sad, but wonderful. Sometimes I feel like you write from my life.

reply to this comment

Madame Butterfly ~~ mary ann d ~~ Sep 3, 2009, 12:23pm UTC

I think it's a beautiful, heartfelt poem. My only humble suggestion would be to change the word broken in the last verse to shattered (even though you've already used the word) or cracked. Broken dreams is a common phrase, and I think shattered dreams is a more vivid image (and it's in the title).

Someone commented about the last sentence. I think it's perfectly apt. It comes full circle to the first sentence. You probably intended that.

reply to this comment

René Allen Sep 5, 2009, 12:25am UTC

Shelbia ~ Your DEPTH is apparent in ALL of your POETIC WORKS. This is EXCELLENT. FELT.

HUGS ~
Your Friend,
René

reply to this comment

René Allen Sep 5, 2009, 12:41am UTC

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you Shelbia . . .

This is FEATURED in Artistic Minds®.

reply to this comment

Marsha C. Sep 11, 2009, 10:17am UTC

nicely written

reply to this comment

Terry Collett Oct 30, 2009, 7:29am UTC

Classic. Moving.

reply to this comment

Allen H. Nov 5, 2009, 5:36am UTC

I wanted to cheer too!
And let you know
I appreciated you,
you shared my woe
when my brother died.
I was lost and my wife wrote
"Waiting For Brian"; I cried.
Drowning, your words helped me float...

reply to this comment

C.F. Stewart Nov 5, 2009, 10:51pm UTC

I'm afraid I've been away too long! I have missed much as evidenced here. Stunningly good write, dear Shelbia.

reply to this comment

Syed The Shah Nov 10, 2009, 6:27pm UTC

Pretty well paved in agony..
Commendable work..

reply to this comment

Dennis Gilman Jan 4, 2010, 3:54pm UTC

Beautiful. Several ways to interpret this. That is the hallmark of great poetry.

We have all hurt ourselves trying to repair the unmendable, even unfairly blaming ourselves for what happened.

reply to this comment

Barbara B. Sep 13, 2010, 11:56pm UTC

Shelbia, I needed to come back to read this again my friend. I think this was
very well written. You expressed yourself freely. Waiting for more.
Hugs, Barbie

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