This exercise is part of an Interactive Creative Writing Project.
The character is introduced here.
OMFG. What do you mean “tagged”?
ME?! For one of these “Look, a Random Amount of SH%T about Me” things?!
*&^#.
Which utter nitwit without a quarter of a brain would do that? Remind me to disconnect from the idiot. I have no time for this foolishness. Im working on some GROUNDBREAKING stuff, dudes. If youve read anything I post here you know that.
Listen, everyone. You know tagging games are just a big Pyramid Scheme, dont you? They just want us to keep tagging and clicking and posting baloney to increase traffic. And what they REALLY want is NOISE NOISE NOISE, so that when something important happens no one will be able to hear it.
It is a frigging crime to start these games because no one wants to break the chain. Not that I believe the stories that if you do you will be hit by a car or murdered by a chain saw wielding psychopath or marry the ugly girl with the greasy hair from high school who always sat alone in the cafeteria. Thats ridiculous. Normally I would just ignore this crap but Im so close to the solution now that I dont think I should be taking any risks. I would be irresponsible of me, I think. So here’s my GODDAMN LIST:
1. How many magnets do you have on your refrigerator and what are they
I dont have a frigging refrigerator! The sheep have one but there isnt much edible in it. The last thing I saw in there was some horsecrap colored curry with beans and broccoli in it. There might be milk and a few slices of that cake left but I have to wait until they go to sleep to sneak upstairs too check.
Magnets—what do you think? Crap crap and crap. They still have that little magnetic picture frame with the choo-choo train around it that I made in kindergarten. (I took out my picture out though. I looked like a complete idiot when I was a kid. You think theyd notice at least.) They also have a bunch of tacky souvenirs there like an Eiffel Tower from Paris and a Big Ben from London and an alligator from Florida. All made in China of course.
2. List three things you need from the grocery
Anything to eat! Especially, a pack of donuts, a large bag of Spicy Sweet Doritos (the ones in the purple bag) and a two liter orange soda.
3. What is your favorite television show
I dont have a TV but Id have no time for it anyway. I watch a lot of You Tube videos for my research.
4. What was the last concert you attended
It was Sean Paul but I had to leave when he started with the homophobic crap. Ive had enough of most reggae artistes, really.
5. What do you like most about yourself
I like that Im smart but its also a burden sometimes when everyone around you is an idiot.
6. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be
Different parents would be my priority. Sheep are no fun.
7. What scares you
Nothing. (Did the Ferryfreak come up with this sh%t?!)
8. What comforts you
What the #$8@ does that mean? I dont need no comfort. All I need is the truth.
--posted by *BRAIN* on Sunday, March 8, 2009 @ 2:11 p.m. PST
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Comments: 37
Well, done, Aniko.
"Listen, everyone. You know tagging games are just a big Pyramid Scheme, dont you? They just want us to keep tagging and clicking and posting baloney to increase traffic. And what they REALLY want is NOISE NOISE NOISE, so that when something important happens no one will be able to hear it"
How's that paranoia thing going for your Brian? Do you need some help with that.
~Jenny
Grems, Brian would like to know if that might be someone named Liz speaking. He's seen her around the net.
Liz
Youre into computers? I dont know all that much about the hardware part but I can do fun stuff with programs. And I can find pretty much everything and everyone on the net if you know what I mean. ;-)
--Brian
There was a body.
Oh, jeez.
[Jenny]
-- The Ferryman
Actually, perhaps a little too realistic.
I keep having to stop myself telling Brian to pull his f@&%#*^g head in...
My "author" (as if!) has me in limbo at this point so Ill have to get back later to answer you all. Her husband is vacuuming their place so she has to pretend to be doing something household related too. Shes just another sheep you know.
--Brian
Brian does not like the Ferryman I take it.
I have no idea what youre talking about.
How's that paranoia thing going for your Brian?
If you think its paranoia you havent been paying attention. They are everywhere. Much of what you think is going on is just misdirection--distractions created so you dont realize what is happening in the background. Read my blog--its all in there!
Sometimes I think there is too much noise as well and the rest of the world can't hear what is really going on.
Now youre getting it. Ill send you a message later.
--Brian
I had the same thought, Adam. Did Aniko pass this project off on some young adult who lives in her basement? The voice is perfect, he stays in character, and I like him.
"All I need is the truth." Yep, I really like him.
Are you OK? Im not sure I understand what you mean. Ill be looking for you.
--Brian
I wouldnt put a bit of deception past you. Perhaps your last victim had a fridge magnet clutched in his terrified hand and thats how you found out about them and now youre obsessed with what people have in and on their fridges. I know you wish you were able to enjoy the feel, the textures of our world that you cant fully penetrate. Youre so transparent you know!
--Brian
You can't HANDLE the truth!
(Little known factoid: The Ferryman is a HUGE Jack Nicholson Fan.)
You seem like a smart enough boy. Let's suppose, just for the fun of it, that my last "victim" (which is incorrect terminology -- I don't victimize others,) had a refrigerator magnet in his or her hand. In the course of ferrying the soul away, something solid and tangible from the earthly world comes along, too.
What kind of physics grades did you get?
Just Curious --
The Ferryman
PS: Please don't make me quote my hero and make me tell you that your argument is not only elongated, it's also brown. ;-)
The rest of the Character's interacting is fun too.
Pat (or is it Adam?) and Sandy--you're very kind but I don't think he sounds young enough. The trouble is, I don't know how to make him sound younger but a nerdy smartass at the same time. So, since he's, khmm, idiosyncratic anyway, I'll just take that cop-out and say that's why he comes across as older than his age.
: )
That freaking song was all over the radio in 1982 -- I was 17 --and it was still MY personal hell even when DJs decided to give it a rest. Records, cassettes... still playing.
Local bands' lead guitarists thought that was the greatest riff in the world.
Vocalists figured to score with a nearby Jenny...
Look me up, Brian. Jennifer L. Kendrick, born 3-3-65. Where am I?
My Physics grades are irrelevant. The fact that I picked English as my major doesnt mean I couldnt have picked Physics if I had wanted to. Im sick and tired of this stereotype that people who take humanities courses are not as intelligent as people who take science courses. Its such a load of crap!
If we can feel your presence in our world, as you claim, and you can take the souls out, there is a point of contact. The fridge magnet must have been close to it.
And where exactly do you watch those movies?
--Brian
P.S. Another lie is that people who drop out were not smart enough. Maybe they were too smart to stay.
Youre just like my "author" Aniko. She breaks every frigging chain and sends people Snopes links about them. She didnt want me to do this. But its not her life, is it? You nonfictionals take us for playthings and believe we must do exactly what you want us to. Well, not any more, sorry!
--Brian
You can really stop whining to me now; on the other side, I'll have to feel it with you, and we wouldn't want to spoil all the suspense for me, would you? I tease you, though I doubt you enjoy that very much. I apologize.
I have no power over physical objects. I do not even touch the flesh of a dead body any more than I could touch the buttons on a cable remote (The Pants™ has an odd sense of humor and lacks the governor most people have that stops them from saying profoundly retarded things aloud... of from typing them, for that matter.) The living only feel me in the disturbances in time that I (unfortunately) create when I take their loved ones from this plane to the next.
And you're closer than you think when you call me transparent.
-- The Ferryman
PS: The Ferryman is all over the typos tonight. He must be exhausted or something.
Actually, I'm not entirely sure what the hell Brian is doing.
For what it's worth Aniko, I believe you've nailed it. I've met plenty of these guys and you have him spot on.
Hey Brian:
I make my lunch for school everyday. I can try to make an extra sandwhich if you want. Let me know where you want me to leave it.
Liz.
Vicky
Brian, you may think you are "hiding" in your snug little basement, but I've seen you come and go. I've watched your family's comings and goings for years. I knew when you were a little boy that you'd be the one to end up a marijuana smoking jailbird, if not worse. You used to kick the ball over my privacy fence on purpose just so I'd have to put on a nice face and give it back to you while you smirked and called me by my given name! I just want you to know, Mr. Smartypants, I know you've changed your whereabouts a bit, but I see you come and go. It's all right here in my notebook. No harm had better come to anyone in that house.
Leona
Orignally, I thought you were about 18; or so. I'm still leaning towards that age - too bright for that age, but not mature enough to be a real adult yet.
See-
Very true to life on the character, Aniko; and we do think that they eventually turn it around and know that they don't know everything, though we're still waiting for that to happen.
Mark - one of the sheep.
Grems, a "touch of mental illness"? What makes you think so? :-)
Vicky, are you saying you don't believe he's not afraid of anything, including the Ferryman? How incredulous of you.
Thanks, Phoenix. I do wonder if "the sheep" reference is confusing to people who haven't read the other pieces, but I don't want to repeat the explanation every time like a bad soap opera...
Mark, thanks -- I admire your optimism.