Humor Monday Update 01/26/2009

I admit I have omitted,
too much,
poetry so frequently submitted,
though good,
most lack the requist wit,
for the,
Writing Essential: Humor Monday fit,
yet still,
to avoid further poetic backlash,
Today's focus,
the humor of Ogden Nash. 

According to Wikipedia, Frederic Ogden Nash (August 19, 1902 - May 19, 1971) was an American poet well known for his light verse.

For everyone else, he's the guy who wrote the best dating advice ever: 

Candy
Is dandy
But liquor
Is quicker.

and witty social commentary:

I think that I shall never see

A billboard lovely as a tree.

Perhaps, unless the billboards fall,

I'll never see a tree at all.

As well as a piercing observation on human nature ( these are words to live by):

Portrait of the Artist as a Prematurely Old Man

It is common knowledge to every schoolboy and even every Bachelor of Arts,

That all sin is divided into two parts.

One kind of sin is called a sin of commission, and that is very important,

And it is what you are doing when you are doing something you ortant,

And the other kind of sin is just the opposite and is called a sin of omission

and is equally bad in the eyes of all right-thinking people, from

Billy Sunday to Buddha,

And it consists of not having done something you shuddha.

I might as well give you my opinion of these two kinds of sin as long as,

in a way, against each other we are pitting them,

And that is, don't bother your head about the sins of commission because

however sinful, they must at least be fun or else you wouldn't be

committing them.

It is the sin of omission, the second kind of sin,

That lays eggs under your skin.

The way you really get painfully bitten

Is by the insurance you haven't taken out and the checks you haven't added up

the stubs of and the appointments you haven't kept and the bills you

haven't paid and the letters you haven't written.

Also, about sins of omission there is one particularly painful lack of beauty,

Namely, it isn't as though it had been a riotous red-letter day or night every

time you neglected to do your duty;

You didn't get a wicked forbidden thrill

Every time you let a policy lapse or forget to pay a bill;

You didn't slap the lads in the tavern on the back and loudly cry Whee,

Let's all fail to write just one more letter before we go home, and this round

of unwritten letters is on me.

No, you never get any fun

Out of things you haven't done,

But they are the things that I do not like to be amid,

Because the suitable things you didn't do give you a lot more trouble than the

unsuitable things you did.

The moral is that it is probably better not to sin at all, but if some kind of

sin you must be pursuing,

Well, remember to do it by doing rather than by not doing.

-Ogden Nash

Today's Features:

Brain drain hits home (Humor) by John Philipp

Banned from the Piggly-Wiggly: A Cautionary Tale of Telecommuting (Humor) by Greg Schiller

Today's Links (Check back throughout the day for updated links):

Mrs. Buzzle's Four Words by William Dotani

Last Week In Humor

Another Ridiculous Dream by Tracy Fabre

The Flame Still Burns (Tribute To Robert Burns) by Ian Thorpe

Pollinated Tesla Pants by Briane P.

I Teeter-Tottered Upside Down... Variations on a Poem (#2) by Mark Jepsen

I Teeter-Tottered Upside Down... Variations on a Poem (#1) by Mark Jepsen

The Weekend Giggle 1/22/09 - The Funny Economists by John Philipp

A Miracle? By Mike Ball

A Disturbing Trend in the Offing by Mark Jepsen

Brigitte's Underwear Is Very Distracting (A Lesbian Zombies! Installment!) by Brianne P.

Elicitations or Felicitations? What motivates you? By Mark Jepsen

Thought~Byte No. 137 by John Philipp

Thought~Byte No. 31 by John Philipp

My Husband the Patient.....or.....How I Lost My Patience by Kimberly Ripley

Big Milty's Pizza Specials by Brian H.

Regarding Nipples... a "Hot Button" issue! By Mark Jepsen

Song Parodies by Rick L

"Fast Car" by Tracy Chapman (Song Parody By Rick L.) Four Slashed Tires

"My Name Is Luca" by Suzanne Vega (Song Parody by Rick L.) "I Have A Loofa"

"Down Under" by Men At Work (Song Parody by Rick L) "Felix Unger" (The Odd Couple Song)

"Whip It" by Devo (Song Parody By Rick L.) "My Whippet"

"Wear Your Love Like Heaven" by Donovan "Swing Your Gloves Like Tyson" A Song Parody By Rick L.

Con Chapman's Links:

An Intelligent Woman's Guide to the Super Bowl

Poetry for Cats

Residents Relieved After Voting Down Nashville's English-Only Law

Media, Historians Say Not Too Soon to Declare Obama Greatest President

In New Bipartisan Era, Neocons, Neosouls Seek Ways to Work Together

To a Young Tom Cat, on the Eve of His Spaying

In Move to Show Bold Leadership, Obama Orders "Smoke 'em If You Got 'em"

US Monitors Celtics Davis as "Too Big to Fail"

Lucky Thompson, Hard-Luck Tenor

Forbidden Fruit Commute Haiku

Impatient Nation Wants Obama to Address Holiday Weight Gain, Other Problems

The Pet Set

Stevie Smith: Not Drowning but Prevailing

Thoughts on Waking After Spending the Night in a Kosher Vegetarian Commune