Steady...
Fear is approaching,
predominant principal of survival,
shadows are standing there
eyes wide open...
Precocious moves between
another sundown,
I learned to escape ferocious lions
chasing me through the jungle.
A charismatic smile wasn't enough
to satisfy a thirst for revenged,
As the red night came to end,
tears come down.
Terrible nightmares were slowly
beggining to take control of me.
On a good day dreams
look closer then reality
purposely I walk away
from my captivity,
dreaming of a better tomorrow,
I still have to deal with a present time.
A monster hidden in my closet
devouring my utmost inspiration.
I open my eyes
to announce a message of
no surrender.....
Rony Joseph
RONY JOSEPH All rights reserved 2008
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Comments: 21
Blessings ~
Rene
Your closing imagery......
As I open my eyes
stars are waiting...waiting
for my smile to announce
a message of no surrender.....
...might have more punch without losing any of its tenderness if it were your eyes that did the announcing....perhaps something like this......
I open my eyes
to announce
a message of no surrender.....
Opening your eyes would capture the sense of rejecting the terrors of the night you darkly explore above. Using your smile, both here and earlier, feels like an unnecessary layer of meaning.
Forgive me if any of my observations give offence. Obviously your work struck me powerfully, otherwise I would have made no comment.
Your friend.....R3W
Blessings