by Kate Keeley
Member since:
March 4, 2007

Don't Go Near the Water - 100 WORD STORIES Week 4 - CHALLENGE

March 02, 2008 10:30 PM UTC (Updated: March 09, 2008 05:54 PM UTC)
views: 0 | comments: 79

"There was music, the kind that never went away: the Stones and the Doors, Janis Joplin, very early Pink Floyd. It was one of those evenings."

The music soaked into the deck, tickling my bare feet. I breathed salt air and sighed. Dennis wiggled out of my embrace, danced over to the rail, and dove into dark water, laughing.

A splash. A scream.  

Moonlight glinted on silver skin. I wanted to help. I also wanted to live.

Mick's voice boomed from the speakers: "You can't always get what you want."

Dennis disappeared.

Mick again: "But you get what you need."

Comments: 79

Gretchen Lee Bourquin Mar 2, 2008, 10:34pm UTC
How horrible! (in a good way) Makes me want more
penni d. Mar 2, 2008, 10:36pm UTC
wow, kate!! loved it!
Regina L. Mar 2, 2008, 10:45pm UTC
I liked it to
William Dotani Mar 2, 2008, 10:47pm UTC
So Dennis disappearing means you get what you need. The was a delightful read, but the ending seems like some Black humor from a Monty Python sketch.
Jim Ross Mar 2, 2008, 10:48pm UTC
Slick as ice, Kate. You slipped me through romance's door, slapped me with horror, then left me rocking with Mick as a chaser! I loved every word of your 100 worder.
Terry M. Mar 2, 2008, 10:48pm UTC
I love short-short fiction.
dianne j. Mar 2, 2008, 10:54pm UTC
Whoa! Amazing how you sucked me in with the romantic setting, followed it with tragedy, then finished me off with the lyrics.
Tom C. Mar 2, 2008, 10:58pm UTC
Kate - I never would have guessed your sinister side. Very clever.
Vicky Duggins Mar 2, 2008, 11:46pm UTC
Mick can hit the nail on the head, hey. Good one!
Bob C. Mar 2, 2008, 11:52pm UTC
Excellent expression Kate in so few words! Dennis went on the "Stairway to Heaven" I am guessing and he is now "Knock, knock, knocking on Heaven's door"! Good thing too, because I don't think he would have gotten much "sympathy from (for) the devil"!
Chelsea R. Mar 3, 2008, 12:09am UTC
great job!
Dave D. Mar 3, 2008, 12:09am UTC
Great Job Kate.
I think Jim Ross and Dianne J. said it best.
Thanks
Patricia F. Mar 3, 2008, 12:33am UTC
Wow, Kate! Love it...self preservation and gettin' shet of an old lover! You rock, Kate...go see my post. I put in something funny about you...
Kasey Klein Mar 3, 2008, 6:32am UTC
Hello Kate.

I like the line: the music soaked into the deck, tickling my feet.
Wanda H. Mar 3, 2008, 6:41am UTC
great way to suck ya in and then ice water all over the place. whew! great drabble. big 10 4 U
*Holly *. Mar 3, 2008, 8:04am UTC
Loved it Kate!
Becky Powell Mar 3, 2008, 8:31am UTC
Creepy--and fun!
Doug M. Mar 3, 2008, 10:17am UTC
Hi Kate,

Nice. Did you read "The Dive From Clausen's Pier"?
Marianne M. Mar 3, 2008, 11:18am UTC
Wow! Really powerful. Goes right for the juggler ... very effective drabble!!!!
Ruthe M. Mar 3, 2008, 11:19am UTC
Whoa! This was a great drabble. Loved the line:...I wanted to help. I also wanted to live. I guess that made it clear!
Steph-in-NE ..... Mar 3, 2008, 11:42am UTC
i use that saying of you cant alway get what you want to my kids all the time,, they hated it,,,

love your work though it was neat....
Kay M Mar 3, 2008, 1:45pm UTC
Great job
Linda K. Mar 3, 2008, 11:57pm UTC
Whew, woman! You know how to push us over the edge! Never a predictable moment with you...
Amy D. Mar 4, 2008, 12:18am UTC
Wow. Great visual and this one leaves the reader thinking. Very interesting.
Tara T. Mar 4, 2008, 2:27am UTC
Sounds like treacherous waters! great story!
Madame 'X' Mar 4, 2008, 3:30am UTC
This story is truly a brilliant, compact gem !!! BRAVA !!!
Apryl Just Apryl Mar 4, 2008, 8:57am UTC
Everything Jim said!! I'll just say it, WOW!!
Ann R. Mar 4, 2008, 12:55pm UTC
If Dennis thought you were jumping in to he had another guess coming. He got what he needed.
Anita R. Mar 4, 2008, 1:00pm UTC
Kate - great drabble!
Marge H. Mar 4, 2008, 7:25pm UTC
I also loved it. It could go in so many different directions. It would be a very powerful beginning paragraph if you chose to enlarge on it.
Busy Buzzy Bee 'Gather Proud Mamarazzi' Mar 4, 2008, 10:21pm UTC
I feel like I am hungry , i ened more..Well, wel-knitted and apt for the prompt..


Beautiful Drabble

spring
Parul S. Mar 4, 2008, 10:33pm UTC
wow.......sad...but deep...
Sherwood M. Mar 5, 2008, 11:59am UTC
WOW...this connects on so many levels for me. Fabulous imaging on every front.
Sarah Honenberger Mar 5, 2008, 6:56pm UTC
Dark and cold, a shocker.
Tanya P. Mar 5, 2008, 7:30pm UTC
Shoot, this one is going to haunt me. Great writing!
Charli Mills Mar 5, 2008, 11:56pm UTC
Tying the story into the music we know gives it life (and death). Great short.
Mary (diet dr pepper junkie) T. Mar 6, 2008, 10:30am UTC
definitely haunting...interesting drabble
Jimmie (Hey! Let's Gather!) Harris Mar 6, 2008, 1:36pm UTC
Oh my gosh! Wow! You got me! Good job!
Mary Z. Mar 6, 2008, 1:37pm UTC
Excellent twist, Kate. Loved this tale from beginning to end. Brava!!!!
Sheila Deeth Mar 6, 2008, 3:58pm UTC
Ouch. Beautiful take on the prompt.
Alison Pearce Mar 6, 2008, 6:11pm UTC
Excellent drabble!
elizabeth evans Mar 6, 2008, 9:20pm UTC
Whoa! Really sick! But I like it!
Lyn Owen Mar 7, 2008, 10:48am UTC
Yikes, poor Dennis.
Amanda C. Mar 7, 2008, 11:21am UTC
Great job!
June B. Mar 7, 2008, 8:03pm UTC
I have goosebumps. Wow. This is excellent.
Beth H. Mar 7, 2008, 10:13pm UTC
Yes. Great writing and marvelous completion to the challenge. I really like this one.
Lisa J Mar 7, 2008, 11:22pm UTC
Wow.
Marianne M. Mar 9, 2008, 8:47am UTC
Congratulations on winning Honorable Mention for this great drabble, Kate!
Kate Keeley Mar 9, 2008, 10:40am UTC
Thanks, everyone, for all the kind comments and the Honorable Mention. I'm honored! This puts a smile on my day.
Dee - Grandma in Virginia Mar 9, 2008, 11:33am UTC
This was so good!
Jim Ross Mar 9, 2008, 11:54am UTC
CONGRATULATIONS on Your Honorable Mention Award, Kate! I just reread Don't Go Near the Water again and hurtled along with your characters, the night, and the music. Again, this is SO smooth. The second read is every bit as exciting as the first.
Susan B. Mar 9, 2008, 12:13pm UTC
Yikes! Congrats :)
Kay M Mar 9, 2008, 1:52pm UTC
Congrats Kate!
Lisa J Mar 9, 2008, 2:01pm UTC
Congratulations, Kate!
Marge H. Mar 9, 2008, 2:31pm UTC
Congratulations Kate!
Mary Z. Mar 9, 2008, 2:48pm UTC
Congratulations, Kate, on your well-deserved win!
lynn a. Mar 9, 2008, 6:25pm UTC
Wow, Kate. A rather poignant ending that hit with a big whallop. I'm still taken back by it. Very good. Chilling in a way. Well, we can't be angels all the time.
Jo C. Mar 9, 2008, 9:26pm UTC
Very clever and powerful, too. Congrats on being featured!
necee t. Mar 9, 2008, 10:50pm UTC
congrats, Kate... this was great... love those stones... cool...


Girly Comments & Graphics
Sheila Deeth Mar 10, 2008, 12:40am UTC
Congratulations!
Tara T. Mar 10, 2008, 3:39am UTC
This is so clever and fun, congratulations!
Great impact...this little drabble of yours Kate! Enjoyed every word...had to read it 3 times...and ended each read with a sigh and a knowing smile.
Ruthe M. Mar 11, 2008, 7:19pm UTC
Congratulations on your honorable mention.
Marie L. Mar 12, 2008, 7:43pm UTC
Very intriquing!
Shelbia C. Jul 27, 2008, 2:13am UTC
I liked this. Find myself wanting more.
William Dotani Jul 27, 2008, 2:24am UTC
I saw your name in another person's comment, so i followed the link and reread this. It still is a good story.

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