(My dad passed away February 5, 2008; I was at his side.)
Last year, 2007, was not a good year in my life. And then today, only four days into the New Year, I was assaulted by reality yet again.
I was harshly reminded of something I already knew; that life is finite.
No one I know died today. But a dear man had to face his own mortality as he received test results that basically told him that he is going to die.
I always wondered when this day might come, but I prayed it was not today. I'm not ready to lose him yet.
I know how selfish those words are, but I want him to see my daughter graduate from high school in three years and to dance at her wedding some day...
But that's not going to happen, no matter how much I wish for it. And I know he's scared and feels defeated, and I hate that he has to go through this.
I tried to bargain with God, to make a "deal". The kind we have all tried to make at one time or another to spare us or someone else some consequence or suffering.
But God said no.
So I'll do my best to make sure he does not leave without knowing how much I love him, and how much he matters in my life. And I 'm going to remind him of the fun we've had with him, and all of the memories he helped create for my family.
I'll pray that he be spared pain and fear, and be allowed to leave with dignity-- surrounded by love and the knowledge that he is important and will be remembered for his strengths and not his weaknesses.
And I'll hope that those small gestures might make some difference to him now.