by Faith H.
Member since:
November 17, 2005

gulf coast reverie

July 21, 2007 05:03 PM UTC
views: 0 | comments: 27

 

I missed your face today, and

this whole thing seems wrong.

We need to talk, you know

that sudden turn of events.

The leaves are turning and

you aren't here, and I’ve changed.

The path towards the egret's nest

is farther than I thought.

 

Did we imagine the smell?

The pine needles are brittle.

Walking alone down here

in this dusty red soil.

How did I do it before

the end of you and me?

You know, but you forgot

to leave the map back to you.

 

(republished for the Poetry Review contest)

Comments: 27

Ron B. Jul 21, 2007, 5:08pm UTC
Very good Faith and I found it easy to imagine you walking in dusty soil and pine needles everywhere.
Faith H. Jul 21, 2007, 5:16pm UTC
Ron, you are kind, but I am a city girl. This piece was inspired by my daily drive over the causeway at the top of Mobile Bay. To the south is the vast expanse of Mobile Bay, and to the north are rivers and inlets and fantastic wetlands full of surprises.
lovely piece Faith.
Faith H. Jul 21, 2007, 7:03pm UTC
Thank you, Lloyd.

Ed, I tend to prefer my most recent piece as my best but this one remains one of my favorites. You are very kind, thanks.
Bart H. Jul 21, 2007, 7:08pm UTC
I was going to wait for some WOMEN to comment on this, but I guess that is just being silly......

I believe that the way you have connected place to feeling on Gulf Coast Reverie allows me to think that I have actually been there, when, in fact, I have not. When I read this, your words are accompanied by the sounds of shore birds and waves....

Did we imagine the smell?....... well? Did we?

Remarkable.
Faith H. Jul 21, 2007, 8:03pm UTC
Angela, thanks.

Bart, your perception is the way I want it to be and feel. I don't think we imagined it.
John F Walter Jul 22, 2007, 5:53pm UTC
I like the huge body of knowledge between the two in this love in crisis that is only implied, or deliberately left out, as much as the terse lyrical meditation itself. The transformation of the speaker in the absence of the lover (and her awareness that it was happening before that person departed) is skilfully conveyed in the smallest of directional and descriptive details--"the path toward the egret's nest is farther than I thought", "the pine needles are brittle"--all delivering to the reader this wan, recapitulative mood, that fills us with the immense sorrow of all of our own undigested, unrecollected loves.
jessie voigts Jul 22, 2007, 7:20pm UTC
gorgeous, faith. any poem with an egret has to be a winner. you've lived up to it, and more.
Madame Donna C. Jul 22, 2007, 9:05pm UTC
I'm simply going to say that I like this poem, Faith. I enjoyed reading it.
amanda w. Jul 23, 2007, 5:46am UTC
Unfortunately, I missed it the first time around. Wow! Wistful, longing for time and love to come back, and sheer elegance, this poem is amazing. Go Faith!
Katrina Hall Jul 23, 2007, 7:07am UTC
Faith, I love this poem. The poignant mood, the shuffling of feet on the pine needles, the echo. Thank you!
Faith H. Jul 23, 2007, 1:43pm UTC
John, as always, I am honored by your sharp eye and kind words for this piece.

Jessie, I see those egrets on the causeway often, along with lots of brown pelicans.

Donna, that's great, I'm glad you like this.

Amanda, dear, thank you.

And Katrina, also, I appreciate your comment!
elizabeth evans Jul 23, 2007, 9:25pm UTC
...from afar, we can look back on a relationship that went amok...with longing with what could have been...if the pine needles had not become brittle or the path to the egret's nest not been so far...but, then again, perhaps that person only was given a short role in our lives...one to savor...and to learn from...but not to hold dear for life.
Ah, Faith, if this poem is judged truly on merit alone, it should be right up there among the winners of the contest.

I don't interpret Gulf Coast Reverie as being about nature at all - such is but the vehicle for a beautiful poem about a haunting love that has gone but won't be still .... a love that keeps returning through memories of what once was and which the poet would have again.

The last four lines reach out and grab me by the heart.

Ten stars from me!
MW Q. Jul 24, 2007, 4:26am UTC
Faith, I can feel the pain of a relationship gone sour . The sense of betrayl of dienchantment with the same pleasures that once brought shared joy.

'You know, but you forgot

to leave the map back to you.'

Your words are so beautifully arranged.
Faith H. Jul 24, 2007, 2:57pm UTC
Dana, thanks.

Bob, that is a beautiful interpretation, I agree, there are folks that pass through our lives briefly, leave an imprint and move on.

Magi, as always I value your opinion and appreciate your fine comments.

Minnie, thank you for reading this piece. Those two lines are my favorites as well.
Barbary Chaapel Jul 24, 2007, 11:36pm UTC
Faith,

This is my favorite of your work. I think it is elegant.

You certainly take me back with your words, having been there figuratively, also, physically aboard the Snow Goose.
David Smith Jul 28, 2007, 1:08pm UTC
A very good poem to be sure. I wish I could manipulate words this way.
Faith H. Jul 31, 2007, 3:17pm UTC
Thank you, kind friends.

Rose, that last line was rewritten a number of times and I'm glad I finally nailed it.
Tonia, who hugs trees G. Aug 29, 2007, 11:37pm UTC
This is one of those poems that resonates within - haven't we all wandered down that way and listened to the echoes emptiness. I am a big fan of your poetry, Faith, and am always left wanting more.
mona d. Oct 9, 2007, 10:14am UTC
re-reading and finally commenting...i wondered why i hadn't before but now i see. again you've amazed me with words and tone and a piece of a story that stops me dead. what an amazing talent you hold in that beautiful head of yours, sweet.
Faith H. Oct 9, 2007, 12:36pm UTC
You are too kind, Tonia and Mona. Thank you, muchly.
John Harris Beck Oct 19, 2007, 6:39pm UTC
Excellent "place" poem, Faith -- thank you.
Granny Janny Oct 25, 2007, 9:21pm UTC
I agree with everyone here.
Wow.
Faith H. Oct 25, 2007, 9:38pm UTC
John, you are so welcome.

Jan, wow is very high praise from you. I appreciate it!
Duckie 1 Oct 25, 2007, 9:47pm UTC
Every word is weighed in, nothing extraneous here. The imagery supports the emotions you express.

How did I do it before

the end of you and me?

So incredibly poignant.

My hat's off to you, Faith.
Granny Janny Jan 11, 2009, 6:19pm UTC
Oops...I didn't miss it...I forgot about it...
The old gray mare she ain't what she used to be...

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